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Mace Hammerhand
Great Reader
Germany
2296 Posts |
 Posted - 31 Mar 2006 : 15:14:58
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In one roleplaying game I played a noble and honorable paladin. One of his items was a ring which, upon command, could summon his bastard sword.
One day, as we came to a far away kingdom, we met the ruler of this country, and his court wizard. Through an incredibly lucky perception roll, my character saw that the wizard was actually controlling the king mentally. This evil, of course, had to be corrected! So my paladin summoned his sword and beheaded the court wizard. Of course, we were thrown into prison... BUT before you say it cannot get any more stupid... it gets worse.
Inside the cell we met a ghost. Turns out this ghost was once the rightful ruler of this kingdom and was poisoned and an usurper took the throne. The ghost then proceeded to tell us how relieved he was that his brother, a mage of some power, had come back to the kingdom to right things...
Need I say more? |
Mace's not so gentle gamer's journal My rants were harmless compared to this, beware! |
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Kaladorm
Master of Realmslore
United Kingdom
1176 Posts |
Posted - 17 Apr 2006 : 18:47:37
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Not really stupid but rather amusing. My Paladin (or rather myself) decided to try some fancy new combat manouvers since he was without his faithful horse in the woods.
Fighting some gnolls at their camp, first attempting a trip attack which failed, and ended up with him being tripped. Not to be put off he then went for a bull rush, pushing the gnoll into the camp fire, which then proceeded to catch on his fur and send the whole gnoll up in a blaze of holy glory :D |
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Fletcher
Learned Scribe
USA
299 Posts |
Posted - 18 Apr 2006 : 16:39:49
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Halfling rogue catches up to the party after getting distracted by an old faded and tattered tapestry "What's that shiny stuff in the door?"
The psychic warrior grunts his frustration. The bard shrugs as he pens another stanza relating the trials faced so far. The cleric continues to snore.
Not looking up from his scattered notes the Wizard replies absently "Its a disintegration field. Im trying to--"
Halfling rogue interrupting "What's on the other side?"
Still destracted the wizard replies "We don't know ye-NO! Of all the.. Stupid...AArrgh! Will somebody clean that up? I need to find a way past this!"
There is no such thing as "peeking just a little" when dealing with disintegration. |
Run faster! The Kobolds are catching up! |
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Aielwyn
Acolyte
USA
7 Posts |
Posted - 18 Apr 2006 : 22:49:10
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Standing in the Iron Palace of the Queen of the Demonweb Pits, staring down a Balor and needing only a 5 or better on a d20 to make the Will save vs. Implosion..
Standing up at the gaming table, grabbing myself and saying to the DM "Bring it!"
Then rolling a 1.
<implosion> |
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BlackAce
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
358 Posts |
Posted - 19 Apr 2006 : 22:53:15
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There's an oldie from a campaign we had in college. I was DMing, with the party of mid level characters hired to clean out a wererat infestation underneath Waterdeep. Things are going fine till the dwarven cleric, leading the group, comes to a sign made of faintly glowing text on the sewer wall. The dwarf doesn't speak the language but instead of calling over the wizard, lights a torch to get a better look.
KABOOM!
The already injured dwarf is killed outright from damage and all but the rogue are killed in the subsequent cave-in.
The groups fighter and wizard are later rezed but the players, all totally annoyed, lay into the Dwarf's player for triggering such "an obvious trap".
When the dwarf player sheepishly asked what the sign had said I had to explain through a fit of laughter that it was a NO NAKED FLAMES sign intended to warn them that fire spells and torches were probably not a good idea.
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Mace Hammerhand
Great Reader
Germany
2296 Posts |
Posted - 24 Apr 2006 : 16:25:41
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If one would assemble my current party's worsest moments...
Library somewhere in Ravenloft: A book-case with bomes, of course. The priest/wizard practically drools and rushes over to it, checking out the books' spines.
One is titled "Of pits and explosive traps". It catches his interest and he immediately pulls it out, and gets caught in the subsequent explosion.
Cut to: an abandoned house along some small lake in the North. Parts of the house's ceiling has come apart and the groups other cleric sees that it is hollow. Following an impulse, she pushes some crates to the spot where the ceiling seems most disrupted, and looks into the hollow space. There before her is a small box. She opens it... and gets caught in the subsequent explosion.
Cut to: the Nether Mountains. The party discovers an ancient netherese outpost, within it the instructions for a flying device (including the commands for the device's weapon systems), and, at last, the flying device itself. In the thing's 'hangar' the group stands inside the flying device and the wizard reads the instructions again,aloud! The device's weapons fire and set the hangar aflame. |
Mace's not so gentle gamer's journal My rants were harmless compared to this, beware! |
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the obsolete
Acolyte
USA
14 Posts |
Posted - 14 May 2006 : 23:43:36
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| i once played a elven mage/thief. well i tried to climb the back of a remorhaz while my companions rushed it. sadly to say i was gulped down. |
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Wandering_mage
Senior Scribe
688 Posts |
Posted - 15 May 2006 : 19:42:28
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| Here is a 2e story. A dwarf fighter in the party was looking for a mount that was unique because every one else in the party already had heavy warhorses that were trained and the dwarf didn't want a pony. Well, the dwarf actually had some serious gold coinage. After traveling about the town the dwarf came upon a merchant that sold him a tiger. After putting the tiger in a stable and running away running away the merchant was not to be seen again. Mind you, when role-playing it is good to ask many questions, like is the tiger trained to be a mount? Well, long story short. The dwarf grabbed a saddle and walked into the stall holding the tiger that would be his mount. After waiting a half an hour outside of the stable the party ranger walks into the stables to check on the dwarf. The ranger ran out of the stable after finding only bloody armor that would fit a dwarf and a fat tiger. Laughter ensued despite the sad news. |
Illum
The Wandering Mage |
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Selrahc
Acolyte
10 Posts |
Posted - 18 May 2006 : 18:16:15
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During one game of D&D according to one of my friends who knew the DM. This is supposedly a true story and it happened something like:
DM: You are proceding through a field when you spot a gazebo. What do you do?
Knight:(steps forward) Does it see me?
DM: No, it's just a gazebo.
Wizard:(casts detection)
Knight: Does it see me now?
DM: No, it's just a gazebo.
Archer:(rolls to fire an arrow) Does it hit?
DM:(rolls for gazebo) Yes.
Archer: Did I hurt it?
DM:(rolls for gazebo) Yes, the gazebo loses 1 hitpoint.
Archer: Is it dead?
DM: No, it's just a gazebo.
Knight:(rolls to attack gazebo) Do I hit it?
DM:(rolls for gazebo) Yes.
Knight: Did I hurt it?
DM:(rolls for gazebo) Yes, the gazebo loses 1 more hitpoint.
Knight: Is it dead?
DM:(gives players blank stare) It's the gazebo's turn. The gazebo rises from the ground and with it's great porch, devours your party, your adventure is over. (shuts book and leaves) |
The elven Ranger, Selrahc Wil'heim Lao'in
and
The elven Wizard, Shynik L'eoul |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36804 Posts |
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Jindael
Senior Scribe
USA
357 Posts |
Posted - 18 May 2006 : 20:18:02
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quote:
Originally posted by Selrahc
During one game of D&D according to one of my friends who knew the DM. This is supposedly a true story and it happened something like:
DM: You are proceding through a field when you spot a gazebo. What do you do?
Knight:(steps forward) Does it see me?
DM: No, it's just a gazebo.
Wizard:(casts detection)
Knight: Does it see me now?
DM: No, it's just a gazebo.
Archer:(rolls to fire an arrow) Does it hit?
DM:(rolls for gazebo) Yes.
Archer: Did I hurt it?
DM:(rolls for gazebo) Yes, the gazebo loses 1 hitpoint.
Archer: Is it dead?
DM: No, it's just a gazebo.
Knight:(rolls to attack gazebo) Do I hit it?
DM:(rolls for gazebo) Yes.
Knight: Did I hurt it?
DM:(rolls for gazebo) Yes, the gazebo loses 1 more hitpoint.
Knight: Is it dead?
DM:(gives players blank stare) It's the gazebo's turn. The gazebo rises from the ground and with it's great porch, devours your party, your adventure is over. (shuts book and leaves)
Google "eric and the gazebo" for the orignal story. The Knights of the Dinner Table joke about it was an homage to the original story. |
"You don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body."
-- C.S. Lewis |
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Thrasymachus
Learned Scribe
195 Posts |
Posted - 24 May 2006 : 15:14:38
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We played a campaign "blind". Players didn't have THACO's, or weapon stats, or anything beyond the most basic character sheets. The players just said what they were doing, and the DM's (one storyteller, the other running the rules) would translate the die rolls.
Anyway, one player decided "he simply had to know" the effects of a dagger he had found, and proceeded to stab himself over and over to get a gauge of the weapon's plusses. As if that wasn't bad enough, he unfortunatly didn't consider the slow acting poison.
He was playing a character with an int of 6, but we still debate if the roleplay was genius. |
Former Forgotten Realms brand manager Jim Butler: "Everything that bears the Forgotten Realms logo is considered canon". |
Edited by - Thrasymachus on 24 May 2006 15:18:30 |
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RevJest
Learned Scribe
USA
115 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2006 : 19:00:00
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Back in high school a younger friend of mine was running a game from me and some other friends. He was using a store bought module. At one point we entered a great hall, and he started to describe it from what was printed in the module. He told us there were frescos on the walls. When a player asked what kind of frescos, he thought a moment, then replied that they were the kind that you stand in front of when you urinate. In other words, he thought it was a great hall lined with toilets.
Stupidest thing a DM has ever done, moreso than character. Still, a favorite silly D&D story of mine. :)
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Edited by - RevJest on 27 May 2006 19:07:00 |
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Kaladorm
Master of Realmslore
United Kingdom
1176 Posts |
Posted - 27 May 2006 : 22:11:49
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Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Horrors?  |
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Mace Hammerhand
Great Reader
Germany
2296 Posts |
Posted - 29 May 2006 : 15:31:35
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Does anyone remember TORG?
In our rumble-tumble group of intrepid adventurers originating from multiple realities our band was trying to escape from Atlanta, I think...
Naturally we ran into trouble. Surrounded by police, the mad scientist from Egypt drew his gun, said "I have a plan", put the gun to my head and shouted to the lawmen: "This is an abduction, let us go or I will kill the hostage!"
My elf wizard, who before that had already thought all the other people quite insane, knew, at that point, that the idiot had gone completely insane. He rushed away from his party into the 'safety' of the Delphi Council.
The rest of the party proceeded into the plane they'd been trying to charter. They dispatched of the crew and were now facing the problem of FLYING the damn thing themselves... needless to say no one had any clue on HOW to do that, the plane was from an era none of the characters came from.
It grew even worse...but that is another story... |
Mace's not so gentle gamer's journal My rants were harmless compared to this, beware! |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36804 Posts |
Posted - 29 May 2006 : 21:56:51
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quote:
Originally posted by Kaladorm
Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Horrors?
Wasn't that a Sluggy Freelance story arc?  |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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Fletcher
Learned Scribe
USA
299 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jun 2006 : 19:21:08
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quote:
Originally posted by Wooly Rupert
quote:
Originally posted by Kaladorm
Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Horrors?
Wasn't that a Sluggy Freelance story arc?
yup but it was Torg Potter and the Chamberpot of Secretions. September 2003. |
Run faster! The Kobolds are catching up! |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36804 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jun 2006 : 20:25:51
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quote:
Originally posted by Fletcher
quote:
Originally posted by Wooly Rupert
quote:
Originally posted by Kaladorm
Harry Potter and the Chamber Pot of Horrors?
Wasn't that a Sluggy Freelance story arc?
yup but it was Torg Potter and the Chamberpot of Secretions. September 2003.
I knew was something like that. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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KnightErrantJR
Great Reader
USA
5402 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jun 2006 : 06:21:14
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Tonight's less than wise occurances:
The drow manged to stare down a bodak for about four rounds without averting his gaze so as to attack with no penalty, and missed each time.
The cleric/wizard, after casting shadow mask to protect himself, ends up meeting the Bodak's gaze and dying.
The drow, after narrowly avoiding death, strolls up to the trapped altar with the secret door, having no chance to detect a magical trap, flings open the altar, blowing himself up with a fireball trap and putting himself at negatives after his heroic defiance of the Bodak's gaze.
And the rogue just looked at him, perplexed, the whole time. |
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gribble_the_munchkin
Acolyte
United Kingdom
18 Posts |
Posted - 30 Aug 2006 : 15:42:26
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This wasn't me or my group but i read it years ago and its still one of the funniest D&D related things i've ever read.
quote:
Many years ago (back when we all were still playing D & D), I ran a game where I pitted two groups against each other.
Several members of Group One came up with the idea of luring Group Two into a trap. You remember the Hand of Vecna and the Eye of Vecna that were artifacts in the old D&D world where if you cut off your hand (or your eye) and replaced it with the Hand of Vecna (or the Eye) you'd get new awesome powers? Well, Group One thought up The Head of Vecna.
Group One spread rumors all over the countryside (even paying Bards to spread the word about this artifact rumored to exist nearby). They even went so far as to get a real head and place it under some weak traps to help with the illusion. Unfortunately, they forgot to let ALL the members of their group in on the secret plan (I suspect it was because they didn't want the Druid to get caught and tell the enemy about this trap of theirs, or maybe because they didn't want him messing with things).
The Druid in group One heard about this new artifact and went off in search of it himself (I believe to help prove himself to the party members...) Well, after much trial and tribulation, he found it; deactivated (or set off) all the traps; and took his "prize" off into the woods for examination. He discovered that it did not radiate magic (a well known trait of artifacts) and smiled gleefully.
I wasn't really worried since he was alone and I knew that there was no way he could CUT HIS OWN HEAD OFF. Alas I was mistaken as the Druid promptly summoned some carnivorous apes and instructed them to use his own scimitar and cut his head off (and of course quickly replacing it with the Head of Vecna...)
Some time later, Group one decided to find the Druid and to check on the trap. They found the headless body (and the two heads) and realized that they had erred in their plan (besides laughing at the character who had played the Druid)...The Head of Vecna still had BOTH eyes! They corrected this mistake and reset their traps and the Head for it's real intended victims...
Group Two, by this time, had heard of the powerful artifact and decided that it bore investigating since, if true, they could use it to destroy Group One. After much trial and tribulation, they found the resting place of The Head of Vecna! The were particularly impressed with the cunning traps surrounding the site (one almost missed his save against the weakest poison known to man). They recovered the Head and made off to a safe area.
Group Two actually CAME TO BLOWS (several rounds of fighting) against each other argueing over WHO WOULD GET THEIR HEAD CUT OFF! Several greedy players had to be hurt and restrained before it was decided who would be the recipient of the great powers bestowed by the Head... The magician was selected and one of them promptly cut his head off. As the player was lifting The Head of Vecna to emplace it on it's new body, another argument broke out and they spent several minutes shouting and yelling. Then, finally, they put the Head onto the character.
Well, of course, the Head simply fell off the lifeless body. All members of Group Two began yelling and screaming at each other (and at me) and then, on their own, decided that they had let too much time pass between cutting off the head of a hopeful recipient and put the Head of Vecna onto the body.
SO THEY DID IT AGAIN!... [killing another PC]
In closing, it should be said that I never even cracked a smile as all this was going on. After the second PC was slaughtered, I had to give in (my side was hurting)...
And Group Two blamed ME for all of that...
So let that be a warning to you - don't let your head get cut off unless you really know what you're doing.
-- Bob Apthorpe
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"We are sorry, you have reached an imaginary number, please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again" |
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Reefy
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
892 Posts |
Posted - 30 Aug 2006 : 17:01:22
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| Not so much stupid (well, maybe) as amusing, at least for me as the DM. Watching three characters in heavy armour trying to walk across a slippery bridge with no sides without plaunging into the river below is incredibly funny. Needless to say, two of them went for a swim. Swimming in heavy armour is almost as funny. It's amazing how things like that could prove to be problematic for even a high level party. |
Life is either daring adventure or nothing. |
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Mace Hammerhand
Great Reader
Germany
2296 Posts |
Posted - 30 Aug 2006 : 21:15:20
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quote:
Originally posted by gribble_the_munchkin
This wasn't me or my group but i read it years ago and its still one of the funniest D&D related things i've ever read.
[quote]Many years ago (back when we all were still playing D & D), I ran a game where I pitted two groups against each other.
*SNIP*
This one was made public through, again, KOTDT...funny, and idiotic, story... |
Mace's not so gentle gamer's journal My rants were harmless compared to this, beware! |
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Stupidest thing a character has done
