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TobyKikami
Learned Scribe
USA
113 Posts |
 Posted - 15 Nov 2012 : 18:55:36
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Maybe some of you have heard of a site called fmylife.com, where people send in anonymous gripes about daily mishaps. I thought I'd try my hand at doing up some in-universe entries in this format. Other participants welcome. I had some fun writing these and I hope someone else has fun reading them.
In rough chronological order. Names included for sake of clarity. Contains various spoilers up to 4E transition, sarcasm, tapping on the fourth wall.
Gruumsh: Always had one eye. Nobody believes me. FML.
Jergal: Torpid with boredom. FML.
Gruumsh: Son is blithering idiot, archrival has more grandchildren than me (none). FML.
Horus-Re: Abolitionists keep leaving literature at my door. FML.
Selune: Church in Memnon collectively lost minds, all sense of ethics. FML.
Tyr: Protested flagrant injustice, was struck blind. FML.
Labelas Enoreth: Went on bender, trashed temple, got in fistfight with dwarven god, propositioned Kara-Turan ninja. Priest still not speaking to me. FML.
Clangeddin Silverbeard: Defended honor of my people, was beaten up by elf. FML.
Hoar: Finally killed him in suitably poetic fashion. Then his buddy waltzed off with his portfolios. FML.
Mystra: Contractually forbidden to gate Storm Silverhand and Mourngrym Amcathra into the special hell for witch-hunters and kangaroo courtiers. FML.
Cyric: Ruling the world, nobody cares. FML.
Mask: Leg bitten off by rabid dog. No sympathy whatsoever. FML.
Kelemvor: Still not allowed to be a hero on pain of conviction for incompetence. Also, girlfriend dumped me. FML.
Helm: Everyone hates me for doing my job. FML.
Vhaeraun: Cosmologically reassigned to mother’s basement. FML.
Waukeen: Back from years of captivity abroad to find BFF leeching worshippers. FML.
Lliira: BFF accused me of stealing worshippers. Girlfriend murdered by Loviatari. FML.
Vhaeraun: Got stuffing beaten out of me by demigod with IQ of potato. FML.
Eilistraee: Latest chosen warrior rises and falls like portcullis, has less self-preservation instinct than a lemming. FML.
Shevarash: Boss’s daughter unilaterally recruited bunch of thieves, assassins, etc. and now I’m not supposed to kill them. FML.
Kiaransalee: Suffering serious identity crisis. FML.
Brandobaris: Girlfriend getting hitched to uptight justice god w/habit of killing rivals. FML.
Ilmater: Roommate has lost his Ao-damned mind. FML.
Tyr: Apprehended culprit, getting off w/house arrest. Not even supposed to drip snake venom in his face. FML.
Bonus entries
Qilue Veladorn: Daughter died, boyfriend died retroactively, current administration thinks resurrection is selfish. FML.
Artemis Entreri: Girlfriend tried to kill me. Defenestrated her. FML.
Urz Jaelre: HE’S DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! FML.
Drizzt: Am irreparably tainted by the fiendish blood of Wendonai. FML.
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Markustay
Realms Explorer extraordinaire
USA
15724 Posts |
Posted - 15 Nov 2012 : 19:51:26
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| Everyone on two planets: Spellplague. FML. |
"I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me" --- Dudley Field Malone
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Artemas Entreri
Great Reader
USA
3131 Posts |
Posted - 15 Nov 2012 : 20:00:13
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quote:
Originally posted by Markustay
Everyone on two planets: Spellplague. FML.
Concurred  |
Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way. -Steve Martin
Amazon "KindleUnlimited" Free Trial: http://amzn.to/2AJ4yD2
Try Audible and Get 2 Free Audio Books! https://amzn.to/2IgBede |
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Alystra Illianniis
Great Reader
USA
3750 Posts |
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Euranna
Learned Scribe
USA
219 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2012 : 00:59:42
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I had a very rough day at work. This made me laugh so hard I was crying.
Thank you.
Artemis: Sold into slavery again. Trust no one.
Jaraxle: Allies do the dumbest things, sometimes I just like to watch. |
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xaeyruudh
Master of Realmslore
USA
1853 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2012 : 01:43:20
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| This is a funny list, and I do want to see more. However, I'm finding that it reduces my motivation to catch up on missed reading to zero. |
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CorellonsDevout
Great Reader
USA
2708 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2012 : 06:05:39
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Rofl! Oh man, that's great XD I particularly liked the one of Shevarash, Eilistraee, Kelemvor, and Ilmater. I have another one for Vhaeraun:
Vhaeraun: got killed, merged with my sister, who got killed again. Guess I'm like Mystra: died more than once. |
Sweet water and light laughter |
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Aldrick
Senior Scribe
909 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2012 : 07:22:46
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| Mystra: I was resurrected again, and all they gave me to get back on my feet was this lousy Red Shirt. FML. |
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Zireael
Master of Realmslore
Poland
1190 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2012 : 10:41:43
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Who's Urz Jaelre and what does FML stand for?
Otherwise, pretty funny  |
SiNafay Vrinn, the daughter of Lloth, from Ched Nasad!
http://zireael07.wordpress.com/ |
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Markustay
Realms Explorer extraordinaire
USA
15724 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2012 : 18:03:27
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Chosen of Mystra: I worship a goddess with an 'expiration date'. FML
Worshipers of any dead deity: When I die, I have nowhere to go for all eternity. FML.
Zhents: We were the most important 'bad guys' for 3 editions, and then we were annihilated offstage. FML.
The Tuigan Horde: We conquered an empire twice the size of Faerûn and defeated a million enemy soldiers, but then got pwned by 300 dwarves. FML.
Alusair: For a lifetime of service, dedication, and protecting the innocent, I was rewarded with an eternity of being trapped as an undead with no afterlife. FML.
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"I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me" --- Dudley Field Malone
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Edited by - Markustay on 16 Nov 2012 18:07:32 |
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TobyKikami
Learned Scribe
USA
113 Posts |
Posted - 16 Nov 2012 : 19:29:20
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Thanks, everyone!
quote:
Originally posted by CorellonsDevout
Rofl! Oh man, that's great XD I particularly liked the one of Shevarash, Eilistraee, Kelemvor, and Ilmater.
I'm particularly proud of the Shevarash one, myself. One of the sad things about Lady Penitent's timeskip was we lost the chance of seeing him and/or his followers flailing around at developments.
quote:
Originally posted by Zireael
Who's Urz Jaelre and what does FML stand for?
Otherwise, pretty funny
Urz is a pretty minor character. He's a priest of Vhaeraun who's part of the big scheme in Sacrifice of the Widow, and after he's depetrified (long story) he freaks out screaming that "he's dead." The others soon figure out what he means.
FML stands for "F* My Life," in which the F stands for something I'm not sure it's okay to post on this forum. |
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CorellonsDevout
Great Reader
USA
2708 Posts |
Posted - 17 Nov 2012 : 04:24:05
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quote:
Originally posted by TobyKikami
Thanks, everyone!
quote:
Originally posted by CorellonsDevout
Rofl! Oh man, that's great XD I particularly liked the one of Shevarash, Eilistraee, Kelemvor, and Ilmater.
I'm particularly proud of the Shevarash one, myself. One of the sad things about Lady Penitent's timeskip was we lost the chance of seeing him and/or his followers flailing around at developments.
I know! Lol it would be interesting to see. I don't think we get enough about Shevarash anyway. I've only read one short stories featuring his followers. |
Sweet water and light laughter |
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Alystra Illianniis
Great Reader
USA
3750 Posts |
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Dalor Darden
Great Reader
USA
4211 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2012 : 02:28:48
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| Manshoon: I'm the REAL Manshoon, but nobody believes me. FML |
The Old Grey Box and AD&D for me! |
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CorellonsDevout
Great Reader
USA
2708 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2012 : 04:57:11
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quote:
Originally posted by Alystra Illianniis
Same here. It WAS a great story, though. Really makesone think about the implications of lumping all members of a race together, even children. Even more upsetting when it's your own deity who does it, and then punishes you for being more open-minded and compassionate.
It was a great story. I loved it, and Shevarash has intrigued me since. The ending was sad, but kind of sweet too, with Sorrell carrying the child.
Oh, and I've thought of more FMLs:
Elikantar: I died, and now I am in my goddess' realm, but my lover was destroyed. So...does this mean I'll never see her again? FML
Torm: I became the Threefold God, but so many want Helm and Tyr back. FML
Lathander: the Deliverance happened, and I became Amanautaur, but people liked me better when I the old me FML
Phaeraun: I died twice! I hate being in the Abyss! And where is Ryld? FML
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Sweet water and light laughter |
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TobyKikami
Learned Scribe
USA
113 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2012 : 05:46:24
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quote:
Phaeraun: I died twice! I hate being in the Abyss! And where is Ryld? FML
We-ell, he was judged False over the whole "sucking face with (however temporary) priestess of Eilistraee" thing. Now he's chilling in the City of Judgment with Sorrell Ilithaine and that drow toddler . If we can take that as our premise...
Ryld Argith: Girlfriend arrived on Fugue Plane. Not only is she obviously also dead, she's now a raving lunatic. FM(After)L.
And have some more Lady Penitent-themed contributions:
Jezz the Lame: What good is 19 Charisma if nobody listens to you when you say their cunning plan is stupid and will probably get our god killed? And if they had to not listen, did I have to be that right? FML.
Szorak Auzkovyn: Caught with my pants down. Maybe by my sister. FML.
Malvag: Got my god killed and turned into his sister's meat puppet. BRB slitting wrists. FML.
Dhairn: My god kicked the bucket at an extremely awkward moment. FML.
Garagos: Wanton-slaughtering-buddy got decapitated and he didn't even leave me the Drow Warriors portfolio. FML. |
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CorellonsDevout
Great Reader
USA
2708 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2012 : 05:54:30
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Phaeraun was resurrected in the []Empryean Odyssey[/i], but he died again. I do not think he was enjoying his afterlife though--he was getting tortured, if I remember correctly.
Q'arlynd: I really don't know what I'm doing anymore. FML |
Sweet water and light laughter |
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FMyLife - Forgotten Realms Edition
