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Mr_Miscellany
Senior Scribe
545 Posts |
 Posted - 15 Feb 2011 : 23:20:53
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Edited by - Mr_Miscellany on 01 Apr 2011 23:53:18
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Ayrik
Great Reader
Canada
7978 Posts |
Posted - 15 Feb 2011 : 23:28:10
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You're assuming this desk is made of something like sentient pearwood?
I'm already an animate sentient object, not terribly large or overbearing, reliably built with little need for repair, I've moved around and been installed on ships, lovers have used me for as long as their stamina would hold out, I'm perfectly mundane in that no disembodied sentience (other than Jack Daniels) has occupied me, no wander ghost or spirit essence, no lich. I'll admit that nobody's died on me, and I have less claim to fame than your desk. But I don't tweet. |
[/Ayrik] |
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althen artren
Senior Scribe
USA
780 Posts |
Posted - 16 Feb 2011 : 00:01:30
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| Please don't use me for sex. Its messy and doesn't smell too good. |
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Thauramarth
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
729 Posts |
Posted - 16 Feb 2011 : 08:17:13
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How about this one:
"Thought there was chemistry with the Sembian cabinet. Heartbroken when she turned out to be the Simbul . Again." |
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Therise
Master of Realmslore
1272 Posts |
Posted - 16 Feb 2011 : 16:55:14
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"Girl, you will not believe this. Elminster is having sex on top of me... AGAIN."
"DAMMIT! Lord Mintiper just put a half-eaten hand-pie into one of my drawers. It's gonna go bad just like last time, and I'll smell like rotten meat for days..."
"That ink stain is NEVER going to come out short of magic. Seriously, he is the cheapest noble ever. Invest in a leather desk pad? Oh noooo! Not him!"
"OW!!! Son of a...! Why must people hurl daggers into me just to 'prove a point'?"
"Hey Rolltop, I heard a new joke. How are desks and wizard schools alike? We both have casters! Get it? HAHA!" |
Female, 40-year DM of a homebrew-evolved 1E Realms, including a few added tidbits of 2E and 3E lore; played originally in AD&D, then in Rolemaster. Be a DM for your kids and grandkids, gaming is excellent for families! |
Edited by - Therise on 16 Feb 2011 17:07:09 |
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Erik Scott de Bie
Forgotten Realms Author
USA
4598 Posts |
Posted - 16 Feb 2011 : 17:01:07
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quote:
Originally posted by Thauramarth
How about this one:
"Thought there was chemistry with the Sembian cabinet. Heartbroken when she turned out to be the Simbul. Again."
^^^ This one FTW. 
Perhaps:
"Is getting so frustrated with these so-called thieves and their perception checks. My secret compartment is SO obvious."
Cheers |
Erik Scott de Bie
'Tis easier to destroy than to create.
Author of a number of Realms novels (GHOSTWALKER, DEPTHS OF MADNESS, and the SHADOWBANE series), contributor to the NEVERWINTER CAMPAIGN GUIDE and SHADOWFELL: GLOOMWROUGHT AND BEYOND, Twitch DM of the Dungeon Scrawlers, currently playing "The Westgate Irregulars" |
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Synthalus
Learned Scribe
USA
170 Posts |
Posted - 18 Feb 2011 : 22:08:44
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| Five Purple dragons had there way with one of lord Maniol's house maids today on me. Now i know how Lady Maniol's Pin cushion feels! |
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die."
H.P. Lovecraft (The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories) |
Edited by - Synthalus on 18 Feb 2011 22:09:46 |
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Synthalus
Learned Scribe
USA
170 Posts |
Posted - 23 Feb 2011 : 13:42:03
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| I swear to the god of wooden tables if maniol sits behind me again with his pants off conducting business all day with lords from around the realm, I will find a way to sneeze termites into his lap. |
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die."
H.P. Lovecraft (The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories) |
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Therise
Master of Realmslore
1272 Posts |
Posted - 23 Feb 2011 : 22:13:25
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Had a horrible dream last night. I was back in school, just a young sapling. Mrs. Crabtree yelled at me, I didn't know the answer, and all my leaves fell off.
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Female, 40-year DM of a homebrew-evolved 1E Realms, including a few added tidbits of 2E and 3E lore; played originally in AD&D, then in Rolemaster. Be a DM for your kids and grandkids, gaming is excellent for families! |
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Lily M Green
Learned Scribe
Australia
115 Posts |
Posted - 25 Feb 2011 : 20:58:23
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^ LOL
*Sigh* Given a choice, for polishing purposes, I prefer an application of beeswax over bare buttocks every time.
I wish he'd be more careful, that last concoction left scorch marks. I'm guessing the bottle was labelled 'not to be taken internally'
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Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup.
A Dark Alliance - Beyond Baldur's Gate |
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Alystra Illianniis
Great Reader
USA
3750 Posts |
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MalariaMoon
Learned Scribe
324 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2011 : 09:26:12
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| Bloody woodworm! |
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Lily M Green
Learned Scribe
Australia
115 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2011 : 15:20:59
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| *Ah-Choo!* Would it be too much to ask that you dust me once in a while? |
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and taste good with ketchup.
A Dark Alliance - Beyond Baldur's Gate |
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Synthalus
Learned Scribe
USA
170 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2011 : 21:17:25
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| i wish someone would take care of these bloody termites there getting dangerously close to my Knots! |
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die."
H.P. Lovecraft (The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories) |
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Synthalus
Learned Scribe
USA
170 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2011 : 21:25:16
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| it was this time last year that i lost my mother to that fire and my cousin the coffin to the ground! they wil be missed! |
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die."
H.P. Lovecraft (The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories) |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36784 Posts |
Posted - 26 Feb 2011 : 22:00:31
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| One of the wands disappeared. It vibrated silently for many moments, and then it was gone. Maniol will be in a rage when he discovers this. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen!  |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36784 Posts |
Posted - 01 Mar 2011 : 03:39:55
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| A fell mist flowed into the room last night. It formed itself into Nalia, the maid. She examined the wands and left with an evil smirk. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36784 Posts |
Posted - 12 Mar 2011 : 15:01:19
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| Early this morn, a panel opened in the wall. A mage crept out, layered new wards about the wands, and left the same way shed entered. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36784 Posts |
Posted - 12 Mar 2011 : 15:58:00
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| Maniol examined the wands again this afternoon. He did not seem himself... |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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Alystra Illianniis
Great Reader
USA
3750 Posts |
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Dalor Darden
Great Reader
USA
4211 Posts |
Posted - 13 Mar 2011 : 07:07:05
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| If that dog cocks his leg on me one more time!!!! |
The Old Grey Box and AD&D for me! |
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Dalor Darden
Great Reader
USA
4211 Posts |
Posted - 13 Mar 2011 : 07:19:38
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| Really cold outside, lots of chairs have gone missing; I'm getting nervous! |
The Old Grey Box and AD&D for me! |
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Alystra Illianniis
Great Reader
USA
3750 Posts |
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Alystra Illianniis
Great Reader
USA
3750 Posts |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36784 Posts |
Posted - 17 Mar 2011 : 04:46:51
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(Also before Maniol's time)
Shouting and commotion this morn. Lady Alais hid a blood-stained scroll in the secret compartment on my left side, then fled from the room. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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Synthalus
Learned Scribe
USA
170 Posts |
Posted - 18 Mar 2011 : 18:41:18
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| humans will never stop putting there feet up on me. I am a desk not a damn ottoman! |
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die."
H.P. Lovecraft (The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories) |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36784 Posts |
Posted - 18 Mar 2011 : 21:03:30
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| Randol, the Baron's son, used me to play with his toy soldiers today. I fear my surface must be sanded down to remove the stickiness. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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Alystra Illianniis
Great Reader
USA
3750 Posts |
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Dalor Darden
Great Reader
USA
4211 Posts |
Posted - 19 Mar 2011 : 07:41:30
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| If just ONCE someone would cast Animate Object on me...I would kick that dog's ass! |
The Old Grey Box and AD&D for me! |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36784 Posts |
Posted - 22 Mar 2011 : 17:05:21
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| Moments after the Baron's Lady left, a strange shadow detached from the wall and flowed after her. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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Synthalus
Learned Scribe
USA
170 Posts |
Posted - 22 Mar 2011 : 18:35:24
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| it left a foul stench in the room not much unlike the stench left by his lordships dogs when they releave themselves on my leg. |
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die."
H.P. Lovecraft (The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories) |
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