| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 30 Nov 2006 : 16:22:04
(Author's note: if you take this serious, I feel very sorry for you  )
Silver Marches.
According to rumors renowned hero Drizzt Do'Urden recently retired from his adventuring life. Do'Urden recently opened the Twirling Blades, a gourmet inn on the outskirts of Silverymoon. The restaurant's special treat, both culinary and visually, is chef Do'Urden twirling his scimitars to slice and dice salad, meat, and the occasional orcish party-pooper.
In related news, an unknown band of marauding halflings invaded the royal foodstores in Suzail. Aside from several sacks of flour, they took two scores of smoked pork, and at least twice that amount of beer hostage. The leading negotiotator of Regent Alusair resigned shortly after dusk, when the remains of cake were unceremoniously dumped out at innocent bystanders.
[Editor's note: do not be alarmed, the current type-setter-scribe is being thrown ooooouuuuuuuuuut *thunk*] |
| 30 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Kentinal |
Posted - 29 Oct 2007 : 01:06:33
This is just in. Waterdeep abounds with rumors that gnomes are leaving the city fleeing to Silverymoon. When one departing from the city was asked, the only reply was I need to go.
We will be sending out reporters to ferrit out more information. It might take some time as we have not yet been able to contact any of our gnome reporters as of yet. |
| Aewrik |
Posted - 28 Oct 2007 : 23:45:13
(This is very much OOC)
Okay, I'm no real scribe or so, but I couldn't help but think of this old commercial when I read about Drizzt's new vocation as cook:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ntELZdoJV9Q
"My name is Mr. Yamamoto and I am a samurai. When working, I use my sword to cut and shred.
Sometimes I work overtime (/Sometimes there are long working days) with alot of cutting. So when I get home and cook (dinner), I don't want to shred again.
Therefore..." blah blah blah (it's a Swedish food brand)
Well there you have japaswedish Drizzt... :)
<end of nonsense comment> |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 29 Aug 2007 : 19:21:07
It's been a while, and news have been sparse, t say the least, plus this interpid reporter being kinda short staffed, which in turn means he has to make...ahem...work on the news alone.
Recently an until now unknown group of bards called the Strangers debuted with a song that already created quite a following in Zhentil Keep, wonders do not cease (even in this case). Their tune "I wanna know what wrath is", is already being adapted by, so rumor has it, several bards dedicated to darker gods.
This reporter does not wonder why... |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 23 Feb 2007 : 11:53:28
Conspiracy theories abound!
If you check the recent news, you know why, if you don't we are not allowed to help you. We do not make the news (despite many theories of us fabricating them, wht an insult!), we merely report them.
There is no secret alliance of lords (and ladies) who thrives on gossip.
Well, actually, there is, but it is neither well organized, nor very influential.
Or so we are told. |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 23 Feb 2007 : 11:50:45
And if you think there was any hidden meaning in the last item, well... that is up for you to decide, we stick to the news, that NOTHING happened in Silverymoon. |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 23 Feb 2007 : 11:49:48
Silverymoon - absolutely nothing happened in Silverymoon. |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 31 Jan 2007 : 16:31:07
The news is back...with a vengeance, quite literally!
Bloodvengeance, or vendetta as it is known in certain parts of Amn, is back in fashion.
The recently murd..deceased magister of Waterdeep, Araeld Donysth: "'Tis irresponsible, dangerous, and, above all, treasonous! Those powerhungry, money-grubbing merchants, and I am not... oh to the Abyss!... I am going to name a few of the..."
Donysth was unable to attend the rest of the interview, due to ... unfortunate circumstances regarding his missing throat...that's right the entire throat was missing. Some people might say that there was no throat to begin with, only a bunch of chins, but the best sages have made it clear that the late magister did have a throat... before his bold statement, that is.
In a joint statement issued by the Shadow Thieves (and please do not ask how reliable they are ... their threats certainly are no hot air!) and the Night Masks, both guilds said: "We don't need no fancy names for killing somebody, if we wanna get rid of someone we get rid of someone."
We are currently unsure of the whereabouts of our reporter remains' and hence cannot confirm any of these things (and frankly said, no one wants to find out more...) |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 14 Jan 2007 : 21:56:33
Music business:
Several of the non-resting dead living in Larloch's retirement homefor the undead, dead bards all of them, have picked up on the music Pitch Black began when they added more percussions to their music. Iumee, a former bard who claims to have suffered a magical accident and was turned into an intelligent skeleton, is on lute. Iumee: "You see, with fingers such as these I can hardly used a regular tuned lute, hence I tuned it down a few notches. Sounds really wicked now!"
And to that we can all agree, the stuff Iumee plays is eery.
The, as they now call it, rhythm section is comprised of Wart, percussion, and The Butler (don't ask me whose, I have no idea!) on what he calls a bass-lue (and every one who ever heard that thing knows that bass is a fitting word). Says The Butler: "To match our sounds to Iumee's, we had to play plodding, sometimes it almost sounds like stomping."
Random orcish spectator: "Great stuff for headbanging! Me likes lots!"
The person, if you can call him that, handling the part of singer (and I doubt that what he does can be considered singing by any stretch of the word) is called Banshee, and he is actually no undead, yet we still are not sure if he is alive either.
Priest of Milil: "Horrible, their stuff is really horrible. I tell everyone I meet not to attend their concerts, but the youngsters go wild on that stuff."
And how is this new formation of bards (if you can actually call them that) called?
The Spook House, and hearing their music you have to acknowledge that this is the right name, every venue they have played so far reported an increase in poltergeist activity afterwards. (or maybe it's just some orc still headbanging in the basement...) |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 03 Jan 2007 : 23:25:47
*looks at his papers* Well, there goes my little fishing vacation, Bullweevil was supposed to sell me a few new oars.
Hummhumm...*clears throat*
Thay: A grotesque game is getting more and more popular with those Red Wizards. Hangman. Instead of using chalk and a blackboard, like every other nation in the world (with the possible exception of the merfolk in general), the Zulkirs have brought a new trend into their country.
Instead of the aforementioned chalk and blackboard, the Wizards now use, a torturer (with a BIG axe!), at least two carpenters, and a necromancer, who also functions as the quizzmaster.
Unnamed Red Wizard: "Oh, it's fun, of course we don't take the person we want to interrogate...no, we take a relative, and for every lie he tells us we build up one more piece of the hangman, and when the body parts come together we graft them on backwards... some hold on until we reanimate his relative..."
It already has occured that some people failed intentionally just to get rid of a unliked inlaw... |
| LucianBarasu |
Posted - 03 Jan 2007 : 23:14:16
AHEM,
We all know the game of Fire, Wood, Water, you close you hand and bounce it a few times and try to outguess your opponent's "throw". Well it seems two Elementalists from Waterdeep took the game a little to far.
Reports are still coming in, but it seems Valkiuyr the PureFlame and Sir Frunndibraer Morningwood are being held in protective custody after a game of fire,wood,water got out of hand.
Three buildings have been turned to splinters, their rock foundations thrst up into the Waterddep dockwward's air. Many other shops suffered extensive flood damage, and dozens of citizens are either unaccounted for or injured in the Dueling Elementalist's foray.
Dennrick Gaull of the Waterhavian Patrol captured the two after aid from the Academy of Magical Science interfeered.
Sir Frunndibraer was quoted as he was being dug into a prison wagon, " BUT WE WERE USING OUR HANDS TO PLAY THE GAME!"
If anyone has any information as to where the wooden shop called "Bullweevil's Boatgear" landed, please alert authorities. It should be somewhere near the High Moors.... |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 01 Jan 2007 : 20:57:27
Our next topic: Are illusions dangerous?
Rand Olloinar, honest citizen of Neverwinter, had the shock of his life when he turned up at work a tenday ago. His wife, a minor (and blatantly incompetent mage, and a bad seamstress) had patched up Rand's clothes just the night before, or so she claimed.
Rand didn't realize what was wrong and why every one he met on his way to work was grinning at him and calling out "Hey, lad, how's it hanging!"
Rand Olloinar: "I didn't think anything special of it! It was a tad chilly that morning, but I did not realize just how chilly..."
Until he reached work, the Maebron saw mill just east of town.
"I did get suspicious when a bunch of children ran away from me, screaming."
What happened next, words cannot describe. (And frankly said, I don't wanna even think about it!)
"My coworkers were still laughing when I got caught in the belt that moves the saw..."
Healers were able to reattach missing extremities and the magistrates have "locked that witch up for good!" Rand is now resting in a shrine dedicated to the goddess Sune for recuperation and healing.
(That lad really knows how valuable his membership is...) |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 28 Dec 2006 : 11:54:00
*grins and looks at Lucian* One could say the goblins were hopping mad. |
| LucianBarasu |
Posted - 28 Dec 2006 : 10:35:52
Hundreds of goblins have shown up dead outside of Neverwinter's cliffs along he coast. A halfling game has been taken and modified for the extinct goblin clan which had them hopping over other goblin's backs who were bent over in a line. The entire clan played this game and traveled almost a mile to the coast and someone forgot to tell the goblins when to stop. They seemed to hop over each other and right off the side of the cliff.
...The Bloody Lemming Clan will not be terribly missed. |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 28 Dec 2006 : 08:42:11
Sports:
The dwarven spelling bee contest took a surprising end, when the finalist, Pwent the Battlerager, was asked to spell the simple word truce. Pwent looked at the judges, the audience and with a loud and clear voice said: "I dubbleyou oh you el du ar a te aitch e ar e a te em e a ks e! Ye bastards!"
After a moment of stunned silence the judges and audience began chanting in unison. "Pwent! Pwent! Pwent!" the shout echoed through the entire city. Nobody had suspected the battlerager even being capable of such a feat, and thus Pwent went home, proud victor of the dwarven spelling be contest.
"We didn't know he had it in him to spell a complete sentence, even if it was not the required word, you have to give him credit, he showed guts!" says Mirt, "he deserves it!" |
| khorne |
Posted - 23 Dec 2006 : 11:36:11
This is the funniest thread ever here. |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 22 Dec 2006 : 22:51:59
This just in:
Pitch Black, renown band from Waterdeep, has added far more percussion and drums to their songs.
"In light of the recent developments with...ahem...headbanging," says Lord Jon, harpsichord player, "we decided to take a, pardon the pun, head on approach. Some of the pieces we are writing now have been compared to an avalanche...lots of rocks tumbling and all that. It will be fun!" |
| Delzounblood |
Posted - 22 Dec 2006 : 16:21:21
Ha Ha Silvermoon The Moshpit of the realms!!!
Delz
 |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 22 Dec 2006 : 14:20:15
Silverymoon:
Grackl Bonesmasher, orcish prima ballerina, has asked for artistic asylum, stating she refuses to bash in people's heads while dancing. So far, she has been granted refuge in the local Bard college where she promptly introduced a new form of dancing, used especially and almost exclusively with very rhythm-oriented, drum-heavy songs: headbanging, she calls it.
Danilo Thann of Waterdeep: "It is almost primal, the dancers, if you can call'em that, headbang themselves into extasy."
The new dance is slowly spreading through the North, and in Waterdeep the ambassador of the Silver Marches has already sent out invitations to the first Headbangers' Ball. |
| Aglaranna |
Posted - 20 Dec 2006 : 22:01:20
*gasp* |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 20 Dec 2006 : 21:05:54
Shadowdale:
Elminster took a walk. |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 18 Dec 2006 : 00:08:35
Baldur's Gate:
Another KHELBEN related fire has been reported last night, starting in the harbor district of Baldur's Gate.
The "Blackstaff": "I have neither been to Baldur's Gate nor to the harbor, you lot!" |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 14 Dec 2006 : 12:19:18
Warlock's Crypt:
In his attempt to enliven the grounds of his home for the not really deceased, Larloch has hired several seamstresses to encourage the hand to eye coordination. Knitting, sewing, you name it, they learn it.
Conrary to rumors, Larloch has denied Zzass Tam to teach or participate in the classes, stating this: "If I wanted anything ugly to behold I don't have to see his knitting and since we rarely need to relieve ourselves we have no use for Tam's work!" |
| LucianBarasu |
Posted - 13 Dec 2006 : 17:26:11
It was a grisly scene this morning on the corner of Elbreth Alley and Hawkmore road today in Neverwinter. Officials and City Watch entered the home of on the the Royal cooks early today, to find a murder scene. Eladria Muffet, Half elven cook and baker for Neverwinter castle was found dead, the cause was suffocation, as guards found her tied and wound in a cocoon of silk.
Her tied body was foud lying on a low footstool in the corner of her modest home. The guards burst in and killed the Giant Black Widow spider that had occupied her attic earlier in the year. Her dinner was still cooling beside her coccooned body.
........it was curds and whey.
|
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 13 Dec 2006 : 14:07:05
Svirfneblin communities:
And once again those little grey fellows celebrate Long nose day, yes, you heard right! It is Long nose day. The usually glum deep gnomes decided to celebrate their most prominent feature, and you have guessed right, it's their noses!
Expect to see more svirfneblins presenting their noses in all colors of the rainbow, the handkerchief industry is rejoicing. |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 13 Dec 2006 : 11:35:37
quote:
Originally posted by lucianb
what? I don't get no credit? see, you ARE an anchor hog, Mace. camera shy my BLACK BUTT.
Me? But seriously, without Lucian I could not do this job! Whenever things get too insane in the world he helps me sort through this madness... os something like that... it sounded good when I was saying it but now... |
| LucianBarasu |
Posted - 13 Dec 2006 : 00:23:05
what? I don't get no credit? see, you ARE an anchor hog, Mace. camera shy my BLACK BUTT. |
| Victor_ograygor |
Posted - 12 Dec 2006 : 17:29:41
lol You are relay something Mace Hammerhand. What would be next : Santa in Forgotten Realms
|
| LucianBarasu |
Posted - 12 Dec 2006 : 17:17:56
And now for the Traffic, we go to our 'eye in the sky' Archwizard Damien Frontas....Damien?
(On a flying carpet)
"Thanks Lucian, Flying over The Trades Ward I see there is an overturned mead wagon that lost it's wheel and careened into a building. No one looks hurt, and the Watch are on the scene. Waterdeep's own Dwarven clean up crew are on hands and knees cleaning up the spill with their tongues. People and carts are backed up for blocks, and it looks like if you're headed north through town, expect delays. "
Thanks Damien. We'll be back after a word from our sponsor... |
| LucianBarasu |
Posted - 12 Dec 2006 : 17:14:25
News from the Trades Ward:
Two Wizards and a Cleric of Cyric have been arrested earlier this morning in connection with the charming and kidnapping of Waterdeep Trades Ward's Bakers. The Bakers guild has been stumped up till now as to who and why their members were dissapearing into the night, only to return to begin early in the morning, boiling dough in pots of boiled down animal fat.
The cleric of Cyric and the two wizards stand accused of 'turning Bakers in zombies' and making them mindless slaves to the whims of the three accused. One guard was questioned during the arrest at the scene...
Guard - "Yeah, we;'s got em rioight 'ere. Dey waz chantin and castin spells dey wuz. Almost got me favorite baker, but he's freed now."
Reporter - "What was the condition of the Bakers?"
Guard - "Dey was walkin around all zombie-like an' mumblin, "TIME TO MAKE THE DOUNUTS."
Sources close to the guild are stumped as to what the three arrested were planning on doing with these alleged 'dounuts'. More to follow... |
| Mace Hammerhand |
Posted - 12 Dec 2006 : 08:50:45
Suzail:
After almost a tenday "holding the food" against Purple Dragons of Cormyr, the Halfling Marauders have been forced to given up. Our own Bleet "The Quick Tongue" (and he has heard every joke there is regarding his nickname!) Danardh met up with a Cormyrean representative.
Bleet: "How did you manage to solve the problem with the Marauders?"
Officer: "We starved them out!"
Bleet: "They were inside one of the major food storages of Suzail, is that correct?"
Officer: "Aye, that is correct."
Bleet: "So how come the Marauders gave up in such a short time? After all, this building is supposed to hold food to nourish a couple hundred people for a few weeks."
Officer: "What can I say... they are halflings."
This statement caused a major uproar in the halfling communities all across the continent, the government of Luiren has filed an official protest with Regent Alusair of Cormyr.
More on this later. |
|
|
