| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Ardashir |
Posted - 10 Oct 2008 : 00:03:30
Just for fun --
An adaptation of some things I've heard from a fellow old gamer bud,, about the kind of dumb things gamers (especially trids) say right before they get flattened.
"So, who's the drow b*tch with the spiders?"
"Elminster? Dumb name for a wizard... hey, let's kill him and take his stuff, wizards are always wimps."
(Said after killing a flying monster that Snatched the character and started flying off with him, at which point the PC hit it with a disintegtrate spell): "No, I don't know what 'terminal velocity' is."
"What's that you say? A drow with a figurine of wondrous power and two magic scimitars in front of me? Of course I'm going to kill him, all drow are evil, and think of the loot!"
"It's a city full of beholders? I'm safe, I'll just hold a mirror up when they eye-blast me! That reflects them, right?"
(After blowing a Gate spell scroll) "Asmodeus who? He's a good guy, right?"
"Two baboon heads and waving tentacles? What a dumb looking monster, bet it's only got one hit die."
"We're trapped in a massive chamber, surrounded by orcs, and there's only one stone column holding the roof up1 What do I do? Why, I disintegrate it, naturally!"
"Seven Sisters, schmeven sisters, I'm gonna rape her. Contingency spell? Never heard of it."  (Yes, they tried it. They did not die horribly enough.)
So, any of you have your own jewels from your years in gaming?
Mod Edit: Corrected spelling in scroll's title. Sorry, 'twas bothering me.  |
| 30 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Zapato |
Posted - 26 Mar 2009 : 09:30:30
'Hey Art, how's your pedofile merchant master doing these days? Hot stuff.'
 |
| Drizztsmanchild |
Posted - 26 Mar 2009 : 09:03:31
"Prepare for the exciting new 4e Forgotten Realms capaign setting in late 2007"
Wotc |
| Menelvagor |
Posted - 24 Mar 2009 : 20:12:40
"Say, this is good meat. Kind of like squid. What did you say it was? Troll?"
That actually happened to a group of mine, who decided to be an orc raiding party.
"They can take our lives, but they can never take our freedom!" PC fighting Necromancers. The Necromancers zombified them. The DM admitted to having stolen the idea from OotS.
"Cyric? Sure we can take him! He's a god? He's a loony, you idiot! All the madmen say they're gods!"
"Oh! Look! It's Laeral!"
"That's not Laeral, that's Qilue disguised as Laeral!"
"Okay, then I cast Dispell." Nothing happens. The barbarian of the group: "She must be wearing a mask. Let's pull it off." Starts pulling Laeral's nose and ears.
"So, tell me: How do you feel being related to the orcs?" a friend of mine talking to some elves. He was a Tolkien fan, and beleived all orcs were corrupted elves. |
| Nerfed2Hell |
Posted - 24 Mar 2009 : 19:14:50
"Brown pudding? That's chocolate flavor, right?" |
| sfdragon |
Posted - 24 Mar 2009 : 09:22:18
I wonder if:
Your be sorry
and
you live to regret this
counts |
| Lethesia |
Posted - 23 Mar 2009 : 21:53:31
Most of these were just uhm.. painful, or funny.
"I think we can take it." -I'm guilty of this one a lot
"I'm the most powerful wizard in all the realms" - My brother put a magic mouth on the wall in Undermountain that said that.
"I'm gonna throw a vial of acid!" - The wizard, while standing in front of an evil alter with a sorcerer behind it... critical fails.
"I'm gonna hug it" - 'nuff said lol
"Is it edible?" - The rogue just before rolling a 3 on her knowledge check
"I'm gonna leap over the paladins griffon to get to the main battle" - says the monk behind the griffon... right before rolling a 1 on jump check.
"There's only two potions? what are they?" - Paladin
"One is healing, the other I think is healing but I'm not entirely sure." - wizard
"I'm gonna drink the healing and give the other to my griffon" - Paladin, right before turning his griffon from male to female
DM: Dawnalee it's your turn
"Wait I have to go pee!" - Dawnalee
DM: ...The wizard drops her drawers, Paladin it's your turn. |
| Nerfed2Hell |
Posted - 19 Mar 2009 : 21:09:43
"Come on, we're good-aligned, and Elminster is a good guy... what's the worst that can happen if we try looting his tower?" |
| Daviot |
Posted - 19 Mar 2009 : 07:49:26
"A fang dragon? Hah! The thing doesn't have magical breath and has such tiny wings; can't do much more than scratch us up a bit, right?"  |
| Pasta Fzoul |
Posted - 19 Mar 2009 : 03:20:07
"Can you believe the gall of that little hussy?! Strutting around in barely a scrap of an evening dress... and barefoot, even! I've known some attention-starved strumpets in my day, but really!"
 |
| Ardashir |
Posted - 18 Mar 2009 : 16:25:32
quote:
Originally posted by malchor7
"Drizzt-schmizzt!"
"Artemis Entreri? Who the heck is scared of a guy with a sissy name like that?" |
| Artemel |
Posted - 18 Mar 2009 : 01:45:16
Yes, no matter the game, no matter the genre, proclaiming, "I'm Invincible!" is the surest route to death, destruction, and/or dismemberment known to mankind. |
| Ghost King |
Posted - 17 Mar 2009 : 21:35:59
My character can't be killed... |
| malchor7 |
Posted - 17 Mar 2009 : 20:07:02
"Drizzt-schmizzt!" |
| Nerfed2Hell |
Posted - 17 Mar 2009 : 19:48:10
"Bane-schmane!" |
| Flero Ralys |
Posted - 17 Mar 2009 : 19:37:27
"Oooh, I'm so afraid of you, you dried-up old mummy. Seriously, what kind of name is Szass?" |
| Markustay |
Posted - 17 Mar 2009 : 00:44:40
"It'll be funny, watch... we'll all have a good laugh about it later..."
"Dude... are you wearing a DRESS?!"
"Ummmmm.. you did remember to burn all those troll-parts we hacked-up, right?"
"I'm fairly certain they're friendly..." |
| coach |
Posted - 16 Mar 2009 : 22:03:29
"Hey, watch this..."
[/stolen punchline] |
| Nerfed2Hell |
Posted - 16 Mar 2009 : 21:06:59
Elminster saves... by clipping coupons and spending wisely. |
| Knight of the Gate |
Posted - 16 Mar 2009 : 06:56:42
The most commonly heard last words in Faerun: 'Does a 3 save?' |
| Lady Fellshot |
Posted - 16 Mar 2009 : 06:22:10
While acting as treasure salvagers, our sailboat attracted the attention of a kraken. In an unusual bout of self presevation, the party opted to flee. The kraken followed. Then the following words floated over the gaming table: "Can we drop the anchor on it?"
A very, very fortunate double critical roll later, we found out that one could indeed drop an anchor on a kraken. But trying to make landfall was really interesting with no anchor... |
| Markustay |
Posted - 16 Mar 2009 : 03:12:57
Somewhwere, in the Underdark, a clueless wanders...
"Whats with the tentacles hanging from your face?"
"You guys are Dwarves? Didn't know you lived so deep... good thing I found a buncha nice fellers like you..."
"You get burned or sumthin? I ain't never seen an Elf like you before."
"Hey guys, we're in luck - at least we won't starve! I saw some REALLY HUGE catfish in that pond over there..." |
| Arion Elenim |
Posted - 16 Mar 2009 : 03:12:05
An old one from my first campaign:
JAYNAR: (at the lip of a parapet on a keep five stories high) Kay, so I tie the rope around my waist.
DM: Use Rope, please.
JAYNAR: (rolls) 15.
DM: Good. Now what?
JAYNAR: I take a deep breath and jump off.
DM: So...did you tie the other end of the rope to something?
JAYNAR: (sighing) Dammit. |
| althen artren |
Posted - 16 Mar 2009 : 02:05:58
I so wanted to resurrect this one.
I hope we have more to add.
My last group finds out there is a cave under a waterfall.
They didn't know it was filled with scrags.
The fighter/wizard/arcane archer/mystic knight (I am not a wizard, I possess a well-rounded education) goes:
Okay, I take off my armor and dive in the pond.
Three hits from scrags.
Okay, I cast lighting bolt!
Game over for him.
That night was a TPK! I was so proud |
| khorne |
Posted - 14 Oct 2008 : 15:38:07
quote:
Originally posted by Markustay
"I don't care what your name is or what color your staff is, I'm going to do this thing even if I have to go through you"
Man, I can just imagine Khelben's face at being told this... |
| Rinonalyrna Fathomlin |
Posted - 14 Oct 2008 : 15:12:30
quote:
Originally posted by sfdragon
I wish you intelligence, because luck runs out faster than you think.( pr something like it) that dude in the mages tower in beregost bg
Thalantyr! I remember him. |
| Nicolai Withander |
Posted - 13 Oct 2008 : 07:37:12
A dwarf fighter 2ed... Encountering a white dragon i an ice cave... "White dragons are good right?"
Same dwarf in a Dark, noxios smelling corridor(GAS) " Im ligthing a touch"... Followed by party members going: "NOOOOOO" And the obious BOOOM
Paladin on a ship... " Are there any small children a can teach to read" Said in a very pedofile way! It was very funny!
Same paladin says to a burgler: " Why did you steal that loaf of bread?
- I was Hungry!
Paladin again - " But why?"
In a dragons lair: The oh so mighty wizard says bravely to his friends: " Get behind me" and steps forward. After which the dragon charges and swalows him hole!
And a last one: Halaster Blackcloak?... I can take him. My powers are cosmic! |
| Riyoukaze |
Posted - 12 Oct 2008 : 14:01:54
During my first campaign, we ended it with a "bang".... things being destroyed, people dying, so on and so forth. We found out early on that we were, more or less, dreaming (as cliche as it is, it worked out really well, especially once we got returned to the Realms).
One of the players was always taking all of the attention, loved being the center of it, and so wanted to die in a really cool way. He did. He completely intended for it all to be very dramatic.
His character was a half-dragon (or something to that effect... I can't remember), but in the Realms the actual dreamer was some sort of lycanthrope fox thing (as I said, he wanted everything to be about himself). The character, Gemini, remembered at the last moment what her actual form was, and tried to go for drama...
"Just... just look for the fox..." Accompanied by appropriate hacking and coughing, of course.
I was more than a little fed up with the player's antics, so I ruined the moment completely. The last thing Gemini heard was my Ranger, Colt, saying, "Hey, I can speak with animals -- maybe it'll be my next companion. I could call it Fluffy!" As I tried to come up with better names for the supposed new animal companion (Fuzzems, IckleWickleFoxy, those sorts of things), the player just sighed and let his character die.
Best time of my life, that one. |
| Jakk |
Posted - 12 Oct 2008 : 10:12:10
quote:
Originally posted by Icelander
quote:
Originally posted by Jakk
The first four are hilarious... and you know how I feel about the last one, thanks to that very same scroll. Unfortunately, we don't have a "nauseated" emoticon... so I'll settle for  . I'm with Alaundo and The Sage here. People who burn books, whether out of ignorance, stupidity, or clumsiness (and yes, those are the only three ways it happens) deserve to be tied down and set alight themselves. In the Realms, I would actually polymorph them into a sentient (but mute) book, and reintroduce them to one of their book-burning friends. 
Perspective, please.
Property damage may be bad, but killing people is worse. For one thing, people can write books. Often more than one.
Killing a person is likely to destroy far more knowledge than burning a book. Particularily since we have discovered plenty of ways to duplicate writing cheaply and easily but are still stuck with primative manual methods in creating new people.
Yes, but the people I'm describing the disposal of have no use for knowledge; otherwise they wouldn't be burning books in the first place. If they had useful knowledge, they would understand the importance of books, and wouldn't be burning them. I quite like my "poetic justice" methodology, myself. The alternative is, polymorph them into sentient boulders and transport them close to a couple of warring hill giant tribes. Or anything similar, really. Being a tree near a red dragon's lair wouldn't be so hot either... well, it would be hot, but not in a good way.  |
| Jakk |
Posted - 12 Oct 2008 : 09:29:09
quote:
Originally posted by Nerfed2Hell
Fie. People can be resurrected, destroyed books are gone for good.
My thoughts exactly. |
| Nerfed2Hell |
Posted - 12 Oct 2008 : 02:36:21
Fie. People can be resurrected, destroyed books are gone for good. |
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