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Snowblood
Senior Scribe
Australia
388 Posts |
 Posted - 02 Jun 2011 : 05:55:22
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OK my wonderful fellow scribes.....now that its been out for a few weeks....I would really appreciate some honest criticism and feedback before releasing the final version of Aryvandaar....cheers.....
Snowblood
http://phasai.deviantart.com/#/d3htti6
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Aryvandaar, Ilythiir, Arnothoi, Orva, Sarphil, Anauria/Asram/Hlondath, Uvaeren, Braceldaur, Ilodhar, Lisenaar, Imaskar, Miyeritar, Orishaar, Shantel Othrieir, Keltormir, Eaerlann, Ammarindar, Siluvanede, Sharrven, Illefarn, Ardeep, Rystal Wood, Evereska are all available here for download:http://phasai.deviantart.com/gallery/
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Edited by - Snowblood on 10 Jul 2011 12:16:15
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Brimstone
Great Reader
USA
3290 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jun 2011 : 22:16:44
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Looks good. |
"These things also I have observed: that knowledge of our world is
to be nurtured like a precious flower, for it is the most precious
thing we have. Wherefore guard the word written and heed
words unwritten and set them down ere they fade . . . Learn
then, well, the arts of reading, writing, and listening true, and they
will lead you to the greatest art of all: understanding."
Alaundo of Candlekeep |
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Cleric Generic
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
565 Posts |
Posted - 02 Jun 2011 : 22:23:46
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| 231 PAGES?!?!?! Good grief man, I've just vaguely just skimmed through this epic tome and came away with about 10'000 hours worth of adventure ideas! Are you certain you haven't smuggled actual tomes from actual Candlekeep through an inter-dimentional portal? If you have, it's cool, but you might want to take them back before a grumpy wizard finds out what's going on... |
Cedric! The Cleric Generic and Master of Disguise!
ALL HAIL LORD KARSUS!!!
Vast Realmslore Archive: Get in here and download everything! http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/archfr/rl
2e Realms book PDFs; grab em! - http://poleandrope.blogspot.com/2010/07/working-around-purge.html |
Edited by - Cleric Generic on 02 Jun 2011 22:24:20 |
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The Sage
Procrastinator Most High
Australia
31799 Posts |
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Gray Richardson
Master of Realmslore
USA
1291 Posts |
Posted - 03 Jun 2011 : 05:11:21
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| Wow! Just wow! Awesome job! |
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Wooly Rupert
Master of Mischief
USA
36968 Posts |
Posted - 03 Jun 2011 : 05:26:55
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quote:
Originally posted by The Sage
Unfortunately I don't have the time for any kind of in-depth perusal at the moment, but I'll be looking this over come the weekend.
When have I heard this before...?  |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
I am the Giant Space Hamster of Ill Omen! |
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Alystra Illianniis
Great Reader
USA
3750 Posts |
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The Sage
Procrastinator Most High
Australia
31799 Posts |
Posted - 03 Jun 2011 : 07:36:46
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quote:
Originally posted by Wooly Rupert
quote:
Originally posted by The Sage
Unfortunately I don't have the time for any kind of in-depth perusal at the moment, but I'll be looking this over come the weekend.
When have I heard this before...?
I don't know. Maybe I recorded it on my "To-Do" list. |
Candlekeep Forums Moderator
Candlekeep - The Library of Forgotten Realms Lore
http://www.candlekeep.com -- Candlekeep Forum Code of Conduct
Scribe for the Candlekeep Compendium -- Volume IX now available (Oct 2007)
"So Saith Ed" -- the collected Candlekeep replies of Ed Greenwood
Zhoth'ilam Folio -- The Electronic Misadventures of a Rambling Sage |
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Brimstone
Great Reader
USA
3290 Posts |
Posted - 03 Jun 2011 : 09:04:19
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Alright scribes lets get back to the topic at hand(that wonderful pdf), not Sage's "To-Do List".
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"These things also I have observed: that knowledge of our world is
to be nurtured like a precious flower, for it is the most precious
thing we have. Wherefore guard the word written and heed
words unwritten and set them down ere they fade . . . Learn
then, well, the arts of reading, writing, and listening true, and they
will lead you to the greatest art of all: understanding."
Alaundo of Candlekeep |
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Snowblood
Senior Scribe
Australia
388 Posts |
Posted - 03 Jun 2011 : 11:27:25
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| If people like what they read some useful suggestions...observations about things I've missed, would be wonderful...I don't claim to have covered every inch of Aryvandaar's lore. I know I've missed something somewhere....sigh....and if you want feel free to pass this on to others...free of charge of course......cheers..... :-) |
Aryvandaar, Ilythiir, Arnothoi, Orva, Sarphil, Anauria/Asram/Hlondath, Uvaeren, Braceldaur, Ilodhar, Lisenaar, Imaskar, Miyeritar, Orishaar, Shantel Othrieir, Keltormir, Eaerlann, Ammarindar, Siluvanede, Sharrven, Illefarn, Ardeep, Rystal Wood, Evereska are all available here for download:http://phasai.deviantart.com/gallery/
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Snowblood
Senior Scribe
Australia
388 Posts |
Posted - 05 Jun 2011 : 02:37:09
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| Hmmmmm crickets...chiirrrpppppp.....chiirrrppppppppp........... |
Aryvandaar, Ilythiir, Arnothoi, Orva, Sarphil, Anauria/Asram/Hlondath, Uvaeren, Braceldaur, Ilodhar, Lisenaar, Imaskar, Miyeritar, Orishaar, Shantel Othrieir, Keltormir, Eaerlann, Ammarindar, Siluvanede, Sharrven, Illefarn, Ardeep, Rystal Wood, Evereska are all available here for download:http://phasai.deviantart.com/gallery/
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GRYPHON
Senior Scribe
USA
527 Posts |
Posted - 05 Jun 2011 : 15:03:30
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| Very cool... |
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Cleric Generic
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
565 Posts |
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Zireael
Master of Realmslore
Poland
1190 Posts |
Posted - 07 Jun 2011 : 11:53:35
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| I downloaded Aryvandaar, but I haven't had time to read it yet. The first thing after the exam session is over will surely be reading it. |
SiNafay Vrinn, the daughter of Lloth, from Ched Nasad!
http://zireael07.wordpress.com/ |
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Snowblood
Senior Scribe
Australia
388 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2011 : 14:09:50
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| Hmmmmm crickets...chiirrrpppppp.....chiirrrppppppppp........... |
Aryvandaar, Ilythiir, Arnothoi, Orva, Sarphil, Anauria/Asram/Hlondath, Uvaeren, Braceldaur, Ilodhar, Lisenaar, Imaskar, Miyeritar, Orishaar, Shantel Othrieir, Keltormir, Eaerlann, Ammarindar, Siluvanede, Sharrven, Illefarn, Ardeep, Rystal Wood, Evereska are all available here for download:http://phasai.deviantart.com/gallery/
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Bladewind
Master of Realmslore
Netherlands
1280 Posts |
Posted - 09 Jun 2011 : 14:50:21
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First of all, awesome work. Nice art and concisely written.
I particularly like the towns and geographical highlights. Well written descriptions abound there. Also those maps are very useful to imagine the whole lay of the land during the elven empires haydays. The house insignia's for most of the notable NPC's are a nice and usefull touch. Their descriptions and brief histories are awesome.
I dislike the powerlevel you set some of the things at. It's a little unworkable for most campaigns to have so highlevel NPC's traipsing about. Malkizid as a 43 HD devil with over 100 class levels total is way overboard. It could be I don't understand the powerlevel of first edition devils though. Many of the magic items are likewise at beyond artifect level of power and can easily wreck campaigns in a powerhungry players hands. But I guess most of the items can be or be made very expensive to make or toned down some. Providing some gold totals for them would be awesome. |
My campaign sketches
Druidic Groves
Creature Feature: Giant Spiders |
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Snowblood
Senior Scribe
Australia
388 Posts |
Posted - 10 Jun 2011 : 12:10:12
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Thanks bladewind for the praise & comments...I agree with much of what you have said...but not all the toys within the pdf are for the players...why include them then...welll simply because they demonstrate the awesome might lost through the hubris & greed unleashed by the Crown Wars. We get a glimpse of what has been lost and what might be buried in that forgotten barrow in the shadows of the Graypeaks or Graycloak Hills, or in the Crypts of the High Forest. Also we see some of the might of old that was wielded with such devastating effectiveness of the terrible & ancient weapons & devices. These are things that the elves seek to recover and the power mad seek for their own ends. They are campaign goals, mile stones & motivators, they are only ever uncovered at great risk, and woe be to the PC's that get hold of a Vyshaan scrying crystal, or a Nightstar Gem. The evils left resting will awaken and come seeking these lost items of arcane might.
And yes the Malkizid of 15000+ years ago was extremely powerful, remember he was a recently fallen Archdevil who was seen as a threat by Asmodeus and who had been Araushnees right hand angel when he was kicked out of Arvandor. So with so many secret worshippers he did have a touch of the divine about him. How ever after the fall of Aryvandaar, when he took a pasting by a bunch of very powerful high magi and their followers he shed a lot of power...so that by the time he makes a reappearance in the 1300's he is much reduced in power. As for gold totals......the early elves never put a gold piece value on their works...these were created for the art or the people.....so i can't see a gold piece value on the priceless ...sorry...I am after all an AD&D dinosaur......... |
Aryvandaar, Ilythiir, Arnothoi, Orva, Sarphil, Anauria/Asram/Hlondath, Uvaeren, Braceldaur, Ilodhar, Lisenaar, Imaskar, Miyeritar, Orishaar, Shantel Othrieir, Keltormir, Eaerlann, Ammarindar, Siluvanede, Sharrven, Illefarn, Ardeep, Rystal Wood, Evereska are all available here for download:http://phasai.deviantart.com/gallery/
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Snowblood
Senior Scribe
Australia
388 Posts |
Posted - 10 Jun 2011 : 12:14:37
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From a PM by Cleric Generic
"Hello! And let me be the 947th scribe to PM you about how brilliant your entire ancient empires series has been, and provide a bit of (hopefully) vaguely useful feedback.
I haven't payed too much attention to punctuation and spelling (I'm sure someone better qualified will have a go at that) , but I've made note of a few things that might want a bit of clarification or elaboration, etc. I've only gotten about 15 pages in, but I'll do the rest in dribs and drabs as opportunity permits. And so:
- p9, second paragraph: Not really clear who Sharlario is and what their relevance it at this point, more on this north/south war might be handy.
Sharlario was the founder of Sharlarion....later the capital of Aryvandaar...upon whose ruins you will find Myth Glaurachs ruins rest.
- P11, last paragraph: Reference to the Dark Bringer, who's that?
The Dark Bringer is Ghaunadaur the god who seduced Prince Durothil and brought about the downfall of the last prince of Tintageer.
- P14, third paragraph: 'Arvanaith', do you mean Arvandor or is this something else?
Arvanaith, the elven afterlife, identical to Arvandor, the home of the elven gods. |
Aryvandaar, Ilythiir, Arnothoi, Orva, Sarphil, Anauria/Asram/Hlondath, Uvaeren, Braceldaur, Ilodhar, Lisenaar, Imaskar, Miyeritar, Orishaar, Shantel Othrieir, Keltormir, Eaerlann, Ammarindar, Siluvanede, Sharrven, Illefarn, Ardeep, Rystal Wood, Evereska are all available here for download:http://phasai.deviantart.com/gallery/
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Edited by - Snowblood on 10 Jun 2011 12:20:53 |
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Cleric Generic
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
565 Posts |
Posted - 10 Jun 2011 : 13:14:05
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Woot! Good stuff. I suppose I'll chuck the rest of my nit-picking here then as opposed to a PM.
- P15, fifth paragraph: what's an Iyilitar?
- P16, second to last paragraph: reference to Ghost elves, never heard of them before (dunno if that's me being ignorant or if this is new lore).
- P18, second to last paragraph: reference to a 'Corselutaar', I love all these funky elven titles, but a glossary of what they mean / translate to might be handy.
- P22, last paragraph: 'Laranlas', another mystery elven title?
At this rate it's going to take me about 16 years to get to the back cover of this mammoth, but it's making for a good read! |
Cedric! The Cleric Generic and Master of Disguise!
ALL HAIL LORD KARSUS!!!
Vast Realmslore Archive: Get in here and download everything! http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/archfr/rl
2e Realms book PDFs; grab em! - http://poleandrope.blogspot.com/2010/07/working-around-purge.html |
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Snowblood
Senior Scribe
Australia
388 Posts |
Posted - 10 Jun 2011 : 13:38:07
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Ar’Coronal ( Ar’Cor-O-nal ): The Grand Speaker for a collection of Realms where there exists already lesser Coronals The Elven equivalent of an Emperor. Only ever used by the rulers of Aryvandaar and Ilythiir.
Coronal (COr-onal): The Great Speaker, a uni-gender term for the leader of a large Elven realm or independent city. The human equivalent of a High King.
Iyilitar, (“ILL-i-tar”): A uni-gender equivalent to Coronal in elder days, but is nigh-forgotten today. A term used by the early Coronals of Sharlarion and Occidian, and later the first rulers of Shantel Othreier, Miyeritar and Illefarn.
Laran’lor (masculine) and Laran’las (feminine): The Elven terms meaning regal lord and regal lady, respectively, and used to denote the king or queen of an Elven vassal realm or minor kingdom, the human equivalent of a Vassal Prince, Client King, Great Earl or Duke.
Armathor : Knight of the realm, the same as a human knight but often with the added responsibilities of a force commander and Knight Commander or Baron of the realm.
Aradoness: Great Peace Keeper, usually the Knight Marshall of all the forces of a city or realm in Peace Time.
Araegisess: Great Protector, the elected Knight Marshall in War Time, responsible for commanding in the field, the armies of the realm.
Arkerynsuoress: Crusader or Holy Knight/Paladin of one of the Churches of the Seldarine.
Desmrar (male) or Desmril (if female) (“DEZZ-mrar” or “DEZZ-mrill”): The mayor or ‘chief of police and defense’ of a community. The Elven equivalent of an Earl or Jarl.
Ar’Selu’Taar: Court High Mage in any one of the cities of Shantel Othreier, Miyeritar, Keltormir, Illefarn and Aryvandaar.
Cor’Selu’Taar: Grand Mage of the High Mages of a city or realm.
Etriel: Noble Elven Woman, the equivalent of a human baroness or marquessa/marchioness.
Velarshee/Velarshree (“Ssh-EE” or “Shh-REE”): a wise female elder, strong in magic, in some cases, High Magic specifically.
Faernsuor: ‘Holy Practitioner of the Art’. In the case of Shantel Othreier, a priest of the Churches of Corellon and Angharad.
Ar’Faernsuor: The High Priest of the Church of Corellon Larethian or Angharad.
Olkiir’tel’Onal: ‘Star Speaker', the Court Seer, astrologer, astronomer and Prognosticator.
Telegaunt (“TELL-eh-gont”): A war leader (unit commander) or mission leader regardless of gender, but this term is usually used only if the individual is a veteran of proven merit. The Elven equivalent of a Knight Lieutenant, Captain or Commander in a regular army.
Cor’Penaal: The Grand Bard, Lore Keeper, Chief Historian and Chief Herald of the Realm.
Quessir/Quessaar: ‘An Honorable Elven Male/Female’. One who deports themselves with a certain “joie de vivre” and who treats all she/he meets with courtesy/dignity and respect whilst maintaining their own noble yet self sacrificing sense of honour and self.
Ar’Quessir – High Born Noble Lord, the equivalent of a human baron or marquis.
Alantar, (“Al-LAN-tar”): A far-traveled, experienced elf who knows or remembers a lot, and can impart it (humans might use the term ‘sage,’ but that often implies book-learning and deduction, whereas the elves mean someone who’s seen with their own eyes, and only augments their own experience with what they’ve learned from others) is often, regardless of gender.
Rysar - ‘Duration of Coronal’s Reign’
In lesser communities of the empire the local nobles have a variety of titles; the most common among the smaller colonies is the use of the settlement name or clan name as the ruler's title, i.e., "the Alusiil of Alusiil Grove," or "the Vispasial of Clan Vispasial, ruler of Bhaasoraen". This practice was most common amongst the many smaller Moon and Green Elf communities, but found little purchase in the more hide-bound Gold Elf towns and villages.
(adapted from a Candlekeep post by Ed Greenwood- 2005, a Candlekeep post by AJA, via the Sage, 2009, and the Elven dictionary posted on Candlekeep’s website.) |
Aryvandaar, Ilythiir, Arnothoi, Orva, Sarphil, Anauria/Asram/Hlondath, Uvaeren, Braceldaur, Ilodhar, Lisenaar, Imaskar, Miyeritar, Orishaar, Shantel Othrieir, Keltormir, Eaerlann, Ammarindar, Siluvanede, Sharrven, Illefarn, Ardeep, Rystal Wood, Evereska are all available here for download:http://phasai.deviantart.com/gallery/
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Edited by - Snowblood on 10 Jun 2011 13:41:10 |
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Lord Karsus
Great Reader
USA
3765 Posts |
Posted - 10 Jun 2011 : 18:23:02
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quote:
Originally posted by Cleric Generic
Woot! Good stuff. I suppose I'll chuck the rest of my nit-picking here then as opposed to a PM.
- P15, fifth paragraph: what's an Iyilitar?
- P16, second to last paragraph: reference to Ghost elves, never heard of them before (dunno if that's me being ignorant or if this is new lore).
- P18, second to last paragraph: reference to a 'Corselutaar', I love all these funky elven titles, but a glossary of what they mean / translate to might be handy.
- P22, last paragraph: 'Laranlas', another mystery elven title?
At this rate it's going to take me about 16 years to get to the back cover of this mammoth, but it's making for a good read!
-See the first volume of Elves of Faerûn for the most comprehensive Elven dictionary available. |
(A Tri-Partite Arcanist Who Has Forgotten More Than Most Will Ever Know) |
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Zireael
Master of Realmslore
Poland
1190 Posts |
Posted - 18 Jun 2011 : 09:53:44
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I read Aryvandaar and it's as awesome as the rest of your work, Snowblood.
@ Cleric Generic: Cor'selu'taar is Elven High Mage, if I remember correctly. |
SiNafay Vrinn, the daughter of Lloth, from Ched Nasad!
http://zireael07.wordpress.com/ |
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Cleric Generic
Senior Scribe
United Kingdom
565 Posts |
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Snowblood
Senior Scribe
Australia
388 Posts |
Posted - 08 Jul 2011 : 10:28:16
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| OK my wonderful fellow scribes.....now that its been out for a few weeks....I would really appreciate some honest criticism and feedback before releasing the final version of Aryvandaar....cheers..... |
Aryvandaar, Ilythiir, Arnothoi, Orva, Sarphil, Anauria/Asram/Hlondath, Uvaeren, Braceldaur, Ilodhar, Lisenaar, Imaskar, Miyeritar, Orishaar, Shantel Othrieir, Keltormir, Eaerlann, Ammarindar, Siluvanede, Sharrven, Illefarn, Ardeep, Rystal Wood, Evereska are all available here for download:http://phasai.deviantart.com/gallery/
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Edited by - Snowblood on 10 Jul 2011 12:15:36 |
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Aryvandaar - Release Candidate up for trialling.
