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ArklemGreeth
Acolyte
10 Posts |
 Posted - 19 Oct 2010 : 18:12:58
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Hey guys, check out an excerpt from my new book, any imput would be apreciated. thanks alot
A.G.
Hey guys check out an excerpt from a book im writing and let me know some imput. i hope the master himself sees this thread and gives me some advice hehe:)
thanks
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ARION.
Chapter 1
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Arion paused, turned around and decided to rest for a moment on a flat rock. He was a tall lithe man. His Limbs were long and thin but muscular and perfectly proportioned. Arion had never been the burly type, and he never liked muscle heads, Something about his sensibility was offended by the working class approach to existence. He was was not particularly strong in his arms, but possessed remarcable functional strength and a superb conditioning coupled with devastating leg power. He Had a boyish looking face with a prominent strait nose, and symetrical features. his brown eyes were small but piercing and his dark hair unusually strait and smooth, spiky near the edges of his head.
He wore his hair short and it hugged his head tightly, sideburns elongated to each side. And although his suprisingly smooth skin was almost naturaly hairless his olive tan and rugged appearance betrayed a life dedicated to the outdoors. his tan also masked his pale complection.
To the commoners whom first laid eyes on Arion he was nothing but a skinny boy with decent features and a strange air about him. Those who met him briefly were amazed by his superbly calm and collected air, and unusual knowledhge of a great many subjects, that for his young age of twenty six years, spoke of worldliness. however these qualities were offset by a calculating way of speaking with a melodic slightly abrasive voice that held a deep accent, placing him somewhere to the south east of the empire and made goodly empire folk, unused to trusting foreigners slightly aprehensive. however to the trained eye of those hardened individuals that posessed worldly experience, Arion was a true meanace. For they who knew his heritage, knew the racial strength embodied by the mountainous Atintani, as well as their cunning, utter ruthlessnes and lust for blood which almost surpassed fierceness and entered the realm of pathology.
Unknown but only a few years ago to the empire, their infamy had now begun to seep in, to the great dread of Arion who cursed the tendency of people to talk and spread rumors. he hated the fact that such a small tribe of people had garnared such a negative reputation, a reputation which had begun to nibble at his sensibility by nagging at his most supreme and necessary survival skill. His anonymity.
As arion sat and rested more, what was planed to be a quick breather, turned out to be a relaxing break, as his muscles begun to unwind and a gentle buzz breathed in his mind. He welcomed this relief, by the roadside, in such a calm forest. He looked up and gazed at the rustling leaves. The twilight had brought a breeze that had begun to stir the forest into a pleasant restlessness. "Ah twilight ", he said to himself "my favorite time of the day."
Moments like these, Arion knew, were conductive to thinking, and thinking was his favorite past time. He loved to think, to be relaxed and let his mind wonder freely, but more often than not these thoughts were directed toward plots, at ingenious ways to perfect ambushes, lay traps, and execute victims, people that for reasons unconcerned to Arion he was paid to kill. It was his job after all, a job he had taken to with such an innate zeal and that he lately felt more and more, was born to perform.
At this moment his thoughts turned to existential self examination. He wondered why his genius must be manifested into such obvious evil work or was this type of work itself inherently evil? if there was such a thing as evil? But Arion had concluded long ago that evil was nothing but a curse placed on an untrained consciousness, by the victims who lacked the ability to defend themselves against their betters, their predators.
For Arion knew that the secret of existence was not in some moral understanding of the universe, but in the embrace of the basest forces of nature. Arion knew that the mystery of the universe lay precisely in its "lack" of mystery. Nature was simple after all, the weak get devoured by the strong, but this small and simple law of existence was the holy grail of the deepest mysteries. For what constitutes strong? and what constitutes weak? Arion believed he had solved that conundrum at least to himself. But he didn't believe the answer to be simple.
He believed that the most important element that separated a predator from prey, was intelligence, and supreme will power, the ability to discipline ones emotions thus allowing the pure will to channel energy into action. these qualities he believed would elevate him to the level of elite in his work. And his work to Arion was so intricately linked to who he was, that at times he had trouble distinguishing where the assassin ended and his true self began.
for this very reason Arion believed that to master his craft of assassination would bring him closer to a true mastery of his own self and his own destiny. and this goal to Arion constituted the true meaning of life.
Besides this meaning, Arion thought, everything else in life such as social interaction, and intimacy with other human beings were mere secondary and more often than not dangerous distractions. His interactions with certain women had almost resulted in fatal consequences for himself, such as the time in which his rescue of an unworthy woman had led to his brief incarceration. The empires authorities and sacred agents had then begun to investigate him and came close to uncovering his true identity. Luckily though that danger had long passed.
The genius that was Arion had even provided for such eventualities, by creating many false flag operations and masking his true self behind the identity of being a mere illegal potion peddler, he had led the authorities to believe that this was his true vocation and that his sole occupation was his love for money and more importantly a false addiction to strength potions which he sold at a hefty profit.
His connections to the underworld and natural ability to gravitate toward dark hearted people had easily enabled this persona and saved his true works from being uncovered. But however great his ability to mask, the fact remained, that Arion had almost been caught, and whats worse, his name been circulated into many town news pamphlets, towns which he had to pass through many times in his day to day chores. Due to these costly errors Arion had begun to rein in his lust and disciplined his emotions so that he would become self-sufficient and have no further need for intimacy with human beings.
Indeed having had sex with many beautiful women, and being naturally magnetic to the female-kind, and even after taking pleasure in utterly degrading his female partners at times into roles of mere pleasure-slaves, he had in all his life never known greater pleasure, than the pleasure to kill.
He recently concluded then that his true, and only love would be his assassin- craft, by experiencing that occult ambrosia of supreme ecstasy only achievable by looking in the eyes of a victim at the moment in which their life was about to be ended.
Indeed this very act, Arion had identified, the very moment in which the blade, or the the poison dart, entered a victim, and their survival rate suddenly dropped to 50, 60, or 90% depending on the potency of the venom, or the bacteria or various chemical assaults that he had used, that every knowledge was what brought about the rush of ecstasy stemming from the extinguishing of the life of the prey, the divine orgy of triumph over prey, that dinysian of all mysteries that can only be known by the crazed maenads, and servants of the lord of carnage, the only religious entity that Arion sometimes attended. the cult of Bromius the shepherd.
At times Arion had purposely diluted the poisons to LD 50% so that he could take part in the ceremony of the uncertainty of death, the utter disbelief and desperation that would enter a victims mind by not knowing whether he would live or die, and by not knowing who, or what had caused his crisis.
Indeed in moments like these as Arion had witnessed many times, the victims sometimes descended into madness even though they had survived the initial physical assault. this fate was to Arion a fate worse than death. Too bad that some of his clients didn't appreciate the exquisite art of madness and only provided payment for the pedestrian aspects of non-existence.
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That is not dead which may eternal lie, and in starnge eons even death, may die |
Edited by - The Sage on 20 Oct 2010 13:32:14
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GRYPHON
Senior Scribe
USA
527 Posts |
Posted - 20 Oct 2010 : 04:50:43
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| Interesting... |
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The Sage
Procrastinator Most High
Australia
31799 Posts |
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ArklemGreeth
Acolyte
10 Posts |
Posted - 22 Oct 2010 : 16:46:03
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quote:
Originally posted by The Sage
Arklem, we much prefer that such unofficial content like this be stored on the Adventuring shelf. Thus I've moved it accordingly.
no problem. thanks |
That is not dead which may eternal lie, and in starnge eons even death, may die |
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Ozzalum
Learned Scribe
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - 22 Oct 2010 : 19:22:44
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If you would like some help putting this into a more readable format, I'd be more than willing to give you a hand. I can make a pdf for you that looks like a paperback novel. See here, though I don't recommend you actually read it! http://candlekeep.com/campaign/logs/log-fate.htm The formatting, at least, was well received.
You would have to ask the fine folks who run this place for someplace to house it but it's been my experience that people don't like to read large blocks of text in forums such as these. |
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ArklemGreeth
Acolyte
10 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2010 : 18:19:59
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quote:
Originally posted by Ozzalum
If you would like some help putting this into a more readable format, I'd be more than willing to give you a hand. I can make a pdf for you that looks like a paperback novel. See here, though I don't recommend you actually read it! http://candlekeep.com/campaign/logs/log-fate.htm The formatting, at least, was well received.
You would have to ask the fine folks who run this place for someplace to house it but it's been my experience that people don't like to read large blocks of text in forums such as these.
you read my mind, my friend. actually i have not much experience as a writer, i have more of an "experience" in vivo so to speak. You see i studied ninjitsu in japan for 5 years and the characters i write are based on real assassins and ninja stories that i gathered from some fascinating people i met in the Koga area. anybody that wants to help me write this book is welcome. i certainly have raw material, i need a pro writer.
cheers |
That is not dead which may eternal lie, and in starnge eons even death, may die |
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Ozzalum
Learned Scribe
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - 09 Nov 2010 : 14:02:56
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How far along are you? Do you have a chapter by chapter outline or something of that sort?
My only real concern from what I've read so far is that the main character, if that is the main character, seems like he might be a touch difficult to relate to. He reads much more like a villain. |
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ArklemGreeth
Acolyte
10 Posts |
Posted - 10 Nov 2010 : 13:02:36
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quote:
Originally posted by Ozzalum
How far along are you? Do you have a chapter by chapter outline or something of that sort?
My only real concern from what I've read so far is that the main character, if that is the main character, seems like he might be a touch difficult to relate to. He reads much more like a villain.
Yes, he is going to be a co/main character. i plan to unveil the antithesis of this character, a philosophical cleric that suffers from mental illness but who has a good alignemnt, the conflict between the two will be the point of the story. i have about half of the book done. i am certainly open to any new characters and/or ideas to contrast the villain that i introduced, like i said i am open to a co-author. my development of this character is based on ninja and assassin stories i learned in japan, as such i know this character very well. thanks my friend
cheers |
That is not dead which may eternal lie, and in starnge eons even death, may die |
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Ozzalum
Learned Scribe
USA
277 Posts |
Posted - 23 Nov 2010 : 12:43:49
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| I'm certainly willing to give whatever you have a read and give you some feedback/suggestions. And when the time comes, I can format the final product. You can PM if you want and I'll give you my email address. |
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check out my book...
