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Bookwyrm
Great Reader
USA
4740 Posts |
 Posted - 22 Oct 2003 : 17:01:50
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Do you mean AD&D or D&D, William? There's a difference now.  |
Hell hath no fury like all of Candlekeep rising in defense of one of its own.
Download the brickfilm masterpiece by Leftfield Studios! See this page for more. |
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William of Waterdeep
Senior Scribe
USA
829 Posts |
Posted - 22 Oct 2003 : 20:44:09
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quote:
Originally posted by Bookwyrm
Do you mean AD&D or D&D, William? There's a difference now.
What? That was on the other page how should I know what I meant then.
Really,either would be great but I meant AD&D. |
Courage isn't the lack of fear but rather believing in and doing what you know is right even though fear is present.
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Arivia
Great Reader
Canada
2965 Posts |
Posted - 22 Oct 2003 : 21:12:23
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*Pounds a signpost into the ground, then hangs two signs on it:
William: Will work for AD&D books.
Arivia: Will work for AD&D books, D20 books, and some D&D books.*
There, that should do it.*Dusts off hands.* |
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William of Waterdeep
Senior Scribe
USA
829 Posts |
Posted - 22 Oct 2003 : 21:31:47
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quote:
Originally posted by Arivia
*Pounds a signpost into the ground, then hangs two signs on it:
William: Will work for AD&D books.
Arivia: Will work for AD&D books, D20 books, and some D&D books.*
There, that should do it.*Dusts off hands.*
 Well done my friend,wait isn't your sign taller than mine?
Joking,looks good. |
Courage isn't the lack of fear but rather believing in and doing what you know is right even though fear is present.
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Kitira Gildragon
Learned Scribe
USA
191 Posts |
Posted - 24 Oct 2003 : 16:32:41
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Bah... I've been working on a rather funny half-elven character that I plan to role play, and I've been trying to compose songs, since she's a bard. Well, my friend kinda took over and finished the lyrics for me, but I find them funny.
Don't Fight Fair- The Master of Mayhem, Kentrain
Don¡¯t be someone¡¯s doormat,
Or a Damsel in Distress,
Just get yourself a two-by-four
And drop them on their ass.
It¡¯s better off to live
And be dishonored, too
Than let those flaming bastards live
And do the same to you.
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Kick them in the balls!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Kick them till they fall!
They say that winners never cheat
And cheaters never win,
Then they¡¯ll sucker-punch you
And say, take it on the chin.
Don¡¯t take it lying down
Or let them get away with that
First jump them by surprise
And beat them with a bat
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Let that be the rule!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Fight dirty, mean and cruel!
Jab an ice pick in their eye
Kick and scratch and bite.
Do any thing it takes
To be the winner of the fight!
Take a crow bar to their legs
Let them know that they have lost!
Leave them as a smoking ruin
No matter what it costs!
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Let their blood flow free!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Don¡¯t stop there!
On to victory!
If you want to be the best
Give it everything you¡¯ve got
Forget about the rest
They don¡¯t deserve a shot.
Make them live in fear,
Wherever you may go.
Bring your own explosives
And then everyone can blow.
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Always carry knives!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Skin them all alive!
Now you and I both know
That cheating is a fact
So any time you get the chance
Then stab them in the back!
Whips and chains are fun
Brass knuckles are a blast!
Or you can take a pointy sword
And shove it up their ass!
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Smack them in the head!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Beat them till they¡¯re dead!
On a Bible they will swear
To always have fought nice.
But if you¡¯re been listening to my song
You¡¯ll follow my advice!
Don¡¯t hold back any trick
Or give them time to gloat.
Take that ****ing Bible of theirs
And shove it down their throat!
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Don¡¯t fight fair!
Throw broken glass and pins!
Don¡¯t stop there!
Don¡¯t stop there!
The last one standing wins!
The last one standing wi-i-i-i-ins!
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-Space for rent- |
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Bookwyrm
Great Reader
USA
4740 Posts |
Posted - 24 Oct 2003 : 17:06:41
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| Funny. I bet William's going to like that one. |
Hell hath no fury like all of Candlekeep rising in defense of one of its own.
Download the brickfilm masterpiece by Leftfield Studios! See this page for more. |
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lowtech
Learned Scribe
USA
315 Posts |
Posted - 24 Oct 2003 : 17:52:04
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| I like it. (I'm also a post-whore, apparrently). |
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Bookwyrm
Great Reader
USA
4740 Posts |
Posted - 24 Oct 2003 : 18:23:44
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That's only true if the majority of your posts are just like that. However, I know you contribute, and don't just try to look like you do.
If it makes you feel better, try to take a look at the accusations thrown against me in the past.  |
Hell hath no fury like all of Candlekeep rising in defense of one of its own.
Download the brickfilm masterpiece by Leftfield Studios! See this page for more. |
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Kitira Gildragon
Learned Scribe
USA
191 Posts |
Posted - 24 Oct 2003 : 20:54:43
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Ok, I just thought of this during a conversation with someone.
Otto's Irresistable DDR Machine-
It creates a two player machine for the party to have a 'dance-off' on. There is no saving throw. You must make a dex check every minute to see if you screw up. At the end, a machine shows you a tape of your screw ups. |
-Space for rent- |
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Arivia
Great Reader
Canada
2965 Posts |
Posted - 24 Oct 2003 : 22:00:41
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That's hilarious, Kitiara! |
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William of Waterdeep
Senior Scribe
USA
829 Posts |
Posted - 24 Oct 2003 : 22:16:50
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quote:
Originally posted by Bookwyrm
Funny. I bet William's going to like that one.
Like isn't the word....I love it Kitira . but how did you know I would like it. |
Courage isn't the lack of fear but rather believing in and doing what you know is right even though fear is present.
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lowtech
Learned Scribe
USA
315 Posts |
Posted - 25 Oct 2003 : 00:26:45
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quote:
Originally posted by Bookwyrm
That's only true if the majority of your posts are just like that. However, I know you contribute, and don't just try to look like you do.
If it makes you feel better, try to take a look at the accusations thrown against me in the past.
Thanks, Bookwyrm. (Oops, there I go again...) |
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The Sage
Procrastinator Most High
Australia
31799 Posts |
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Bookwyrm
Great Reader
USA
4740 Posts |
Posted - 26 Oct 2003 : 07:15:39
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Now, now, Sage. You know how our esteemed Head Librarian feels about people making work for him . . . .
After all, making work for people is his job.
Heheh-- Ow.  |
Hell hath no fury like all of Candlekeep rising in defense of one of its own.
Download the brickfilm masterpiece by Leftfield Studios! See this page for more. |
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The Sage
Procrastinator Most High
Australia
31799 Posts |
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Arivia
Great Reader
Canada
2965 Posts |
Posted - 26 Oct 2003 : 12:26:28
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| There is actually a feature on D&D, FR, and AD&D humor. It never received much attention, and lies hidden in Alaundo's Bookshelf, if I'm not mistaken... |
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William of Waterdeep
Senior Scribe
USA
829 Posts |
Posted - 29 Oct 2003 : 03:01:46
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quote:
Originally posted by Arivia
There is actually a feature on D&D, FR, and AD&D humor. It never received much attention, and lies hidden in Alaundo's Bookshelf, if I'm not mistaken...
I must look,I must have missed this,how did I miss humor?
Yep-->Jokes and Humor..Sorry,I couldn't get the link to work. |
Courage isn't the lack of fear but rather believing in and doing what you know is right even though fear is present.
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Edited by - William of Waterdeep on 29 Oct 2003 03:06:24 |
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Bookwyrm
Great Reader
USA
4740 Posts |
Posted - 29 Oct 2003 : 03:53:47
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Bookwyrm hands William back his map, now marked with his corrections.
Though I hope no one ever shows that second "joke" to King Tiax . . . |
Hell hath no fury like all of Candlekeep rising in defense of one of its own.
Download the brickfilm masterpiece by Leftfield Studios! See this page for more. |
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William of Waterdeep
Senior Scribe
USA
829 Posts |
Posted - 29 Oct 2003 : 21:34:44
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quote:
Originally posted by Bookwyrm
Bookwyrm hands William back his map, now marked with his corrections.
Though I hope no one ever shows that second "joke" to King Tiax . . .
I haven't seen a post by him in awhile.
Thanks for the help with the link. |
Courage isn't the lack of fear but rather believing in and doing what you know is right even though fear is present.
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Cult_Leader
Learned Scribe
USA
337 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2003 : 14:06:42
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BWAHAHAHAHAH! And I yest again come back to my all mighty post section and find that your all still feeding me with power by posting in them. Well here is soemthing to help you stay upon my path s that i can be the god of riddles jokes and odd mosnters.
http://www.cliveblackledge.com/8bit/8bitDandD.html |
"Madness you say! Do you fear me? Are you afraid of what I might do, of what I might say? What a fascinating reaction. Don't you find it somewhat encumbering?"
Piddles assumes a deep and resonant voice. "Space...the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Garou. It's mission: to slay Wyrm creatures where they live and breed. To accumulate more Garou than the world's entire population. To produce metis like no one has before." - Piddles
"Aren't you people supposed to be doing something? Like, entertaining me, the fascist wizard?" - InleRah
I have the passwords to the minds of everyone and the cheat codes to the universe - Me |
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Cult_Leader
Learned Scribe
USA
337 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2003 : 14:15:35
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An Elf walks into a pub and clears his voice to the crowd of dwarven drinkers. He says, "I hear you dwarves are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give 500 gold to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of extra stout back-to-back."
The room is quiet, and no one takes up the elf's offer. One dwarf even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same dwarf who left shows back up and taps the elf on the back. "Is your bet still good?" asks the dwarf.
The elf says yes and asks the pub keep to line up 10 pints of extra stout. Immediately the dwarf tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the elf sits in amazement. The elf gives the dwarf the 500 gold and says, "If you don't mind me asking, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The dwarf replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
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"Madness you say! Do you fear me? Are you afraid of what I might do, of what I might say? What a fascinating reaction. Don't you find it somewhat encumbering?"
Piddles assumes a deep and resonant voice. "Space...the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Garou. It's mission: to slay Wyrm creatures where they live and breed. To accumulate more Garou than the world's entire population. To produce metis like no one has before." - Piddles
"Aren't you people supposed to be doing something? Like, entertaining me, the fascist wizard?" - InleRah
I have the passwords to the minds of everyone and the cheat codes to the universe - Me |
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Cult_Leader
Learned Scribe
USA
337 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2003 : 14:17:31
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Dwarves go to war.
Durin Ironshield of the iron hills pays a visit to the Elven King of Mirkwood.
"Sir", says Durin, "We have decided to go to war with ye."
The elven king looks incredulous, but takes war seriously.
"We? Who is this we?", he says sternly.
"Well, that would be me, me brother Thorin, his son Durin, our cousins Olin and Golin, and our pop Thrain."
"My good Dwarf, I have 1100 elves at my command that can be ready to move on a moment's notice.", says the king.
"Oh.", replies Durin. "Let me get back to ye on that."
The Dwarf leaves, but returns two days later.
"Ok king, I have rounded up two more cousins and we a few axes between us all."
"Sir Dwarf, I have 300 of the finest archers around, plus my royal guards are all spellsingers, armed with swords of sharpness."
"Oh, well, I see." The Dwarf lord thinks a bit. "Let me come back to ye."
And he leaves to return again in two days.
"Ok king, we have rounded up a few more swords and I think we are ready".
"You should know my good dwarf that I have since raised the size of my elven army to 1300."
"Ah fok!", and the dwarf leaves. He comes back the next day.
"Well king, I am afraid we have to call off the war."
"I am sorry to hear that. Was it the power of my elven army to changed your mind?"
"Nah, I spoke to all my kin and we decided that we just did not have the room for 1300 prisoners." |
"Madness you say! Do you fear me? Are you afraid of what I might do, of what I might say? What a fascinating reaction. Don't you find it somewhat encumbering?"
Piddles assumes a deep and resonant voice. "Space...the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Garou. It's mission: to slay Wyrm creatures where they live and breed. To accumulate more Garou than the world's entire population. To produce metis like no one has before." - Piddles
"Aren't you people supposed to be doing something? Like, entertaining me, the fascist wizard?" - InleRah
I have the passwords to the minds of everyone and the cheat codes to the universe - Me |
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Cult_Leader
Learned Scribe
USA
337 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2003 : 14:19:03
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An elf is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a dwarf. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the elf doesn't get uncomfortable until the dwarf drags a small step ladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.
"Wow," comments the dwarf, "those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered, the elf thanks the dwarf and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."
Again the elf is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The dwarf reaches out, gets a tight grip on the elf's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me your platinum or I'll jump off the ladder!"
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"Madness you say! Do you fear me? Are you afraid of what I might do, of what I might say? What a fascinating reaction. Don't you find it somewhat encumbering?"
Piddles assumes a deep and resonant voice. "Space...the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Garou. It's mission: to slay Wyrm creatures where they live and breed. To accumulate more Garou than the world's entire population. To produce metis like no one has before." - Piddles
"Aren't you people supposed to be doing something? Like, entertaining me, the fascist wizard?" - InleRah
I have the passwords to the minds of everyone and the cheat codes to the universe - Me |
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Cult_Leader
Learned Scribe
USA
337 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2003 : 14:23:47
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Dragoon J'riel an hiz tropps wur marchin' intae tha mountains ae Butcher Block, closin in on tha greatcity ae Kaladim. Az theybe roodin' a corner they heart a shoot from on top ae nearby hill. Lookin' up they see a dwarf what be standin' on tha hill callin' 'em names an such, grabbin himsel' an makin rude gestures at 'em. He shooted oot
"I be Kazon Stormhammer tha meenest, brawest dwarf wote'er lived. Nae match fer masel' ben' foun' in a' tha lands ae Norrath. Ye fookin' inkies can nae tooch a hair ae me beard. Get ye stinkin' pimply inkie arses oot ae me mountains."
Now tha Dragoon he got reel pissed at hearin' this an he shoots back intae hiz troops," Guard Taba go git me that dwarfs head." So up jumps guard Taba, he goes runnin' up tha hill an' soon can be heard tha soun' ae battle. The soun' ae steel on steel an' ae a sudden a loud "Plop". Down o'er tha hill comes rollin guard Taba's head, rolloin' ta the ver' feet ae the Dragoon. We' ol' J"riel neer has't a fit, he wuz totally pissed at wot had jus' happened.
When again they be hearin' tha dwarf shoot oot, "I be Kzon Stormhammer tha brawest dwarf wote'er walked tha mountains ae Butcher Block. Ye darkies shoult run ye little arse's back ta ye hame an hide 'for we come after ye. Ye all smell like dragon ****e" an look like a Orc's arse."
That dragoon wuz furious he wuz stompin' an' a screamin' turnin' his skin all shades ae purple. He screamed oot,
"Corporal T'nath take four men an bring me that dwarfs private parts." So tha Corporal he grabbed hiz four men an up tha hill they run jumpin o'er the top an soon could be heart tha soun' ae battle, the cling an clang ae sword on shield. All at wance those below hear tha fam'lar soun' ae "Plop, Plop, Plop" an down tha hill wot come tha heads ae tha corporal an hiz men.
An up stands Kazon shooting at tha top ae hiz lungs, "I be Kazon Stormhammer tha dwarf of dwarves, slayer ae darkelves tha world o'er. All ye blue skinned fookers not e'en worth tha time it takes ta kill ye."
Well now ol' Dragoon J'riel almost pisset himsel'. He turnt' an screamed at hiz troops, "Get yur arse up there an get me that dwarfs head, all ae ye! Now!"
So up leapt all tha troops wot wuz left an they ran up tha hill soon enoug' could be heard tha soun's ae battle. The dragoon he coul' see blood an' limbs a flyin. When ae a sudden he spies a young guard come runnin' an' a slippin down tha hill fear in hiz eyes. Well J'Riel shoots oot,
Wot's the matter boy?" The guard shooted oot as he ran away, "There be two of 'em up there sir."
(LMFAO DAMN DARKY ELVES! lol) |
"Madness you say! Do you fear me? Are you afraid of what I might do, of what I might say? What a fascinating reaction. Don't you find it somewhat encumbering?"
Piddles assumes a deep and resonant voice. "Space...the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Garou. It's mission: to slay Wyrm creatures where they live and breed. To accumulate more Garou than the world's entire population. To produce metis like no one has before." - Piddles
"Aren't you people supposed to be doing something? Like, entertaining me, the fascist wizard?" - InleRah
I have the passwords to the minds of everyone and the cheat codes to the universe - Me |
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Cult_Leader
Learned Scribe
USA
337 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2003 : 14:25:00
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An elf, a human and a dwarf were enjoying a nice meal when a fight breaks out in the common room of a tavern.
The human immediately stood up and said. "Come friends, let's join this fight and toss them out."
The elf placed a hand on the human's arm and said, "We shouldn't fight unless we have to. Leave them alone."
The dwarf just sat and watched the fight go on.
tables were overturned, chairs were thrown and the fight just kept on going until all of a sudden, the dwarf growls and launches himself into the fray. In a matter of seconds he's beat up and thrown out all the combatants and has sat back at his chair.
His two companions sit rather stunned and look at him. Finally the human asks, "What came over you?"
Just then a serving wench arrives with the Dwarf's tankard of Ale and says, "Thanks, I thought I'd never get your drinks here because of that fight."
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"Madness you say! Do you fear me? Are you afraid of what I might do, of what I might say? What a fascinating reaction. Don't you find it somewhat encumbering?"
Piddles assumes a deep and resonant voice. "Space...the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Garou. It's mission: to slay Wyrm creatures where they live and breed. To accumulate more Garou than the world's entire population. To produce metis like no one has before." - Piddles
"Aren't you people supposed to be doing something? Like, entertaining me, the fascist wizard?" - InleRah
I have the passwords to the minds of everyone and the cheat codes to the universe - Me |
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Cult_Leader
Learned Scribe
USA
337 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2003 : 14:26:32
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An Elf, a Gnome and a Dwarf are standing side-by-side at the urinal.
The elf finishes and proceeds to wash his hands. He is scrubbing and washing his hands clear up to his elbows. He turns to the other two and comments: Our Elders have taught us Elves to be clean.
The Gnome finishes his business and he quickly wets the tips of his fingers and comments: Our Druid Elders have taught us Gnomes to be conservative of natures resources.
The Dwarf finishes his business and heads straight for the door, He turns and comments: Our Elders have taught us Dwarves how not to piss on our hands.
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"Madness you say! Do you fear me? Are you afraid of what I might do, of what I might say? What a fascinating reaction. Don't you find it somewhat encumbering?"
Piddles assumes a deep and resonant voice. "Space...the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Garou. It's mission: to slay Wyrm creatures where they live and breed. To accumulate more Garou than the world's entire population. To produce metis like no one has before." - Piddles
"Aren't you people supposed to be doing something? Like, entertaining me, the fascist wizard?" - InleRah
I have the passwords to the minds of everyone and the cheat codes to the universe - Me |
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Cult_Leader
Learned Scribe
USA
337 Posts |
Posted - 03 Nov 2003 : 14:27:53
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An elven bard walks into a tavern and asks the crowd, "Who's dragon is that outside?"
An older gentleman, dressed in archmage robes stands up, and replies "Mine. Why?"
The bard somberly approaches the mage. "I regret to inform you that the halfling in our party has killed your dragon"
"What!" erupts the archmage. "Your halfling killed Rithvaeraradace. Slayer of the Elminster, Destroyer of Cormyr, Raider of Waterdeep, Ruler of the Dales, Thorn to the Gods, and Bane of all Toril! How did this happen!?"
The bard sheepishly looks at the archmage and replies "Well...the little guy got stuck in its throat!"
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"Madness you say! Do you fear me? Are you afraid of what I might do, of what I might say? What a fascinating reaction. Don't you find it somewhat encumbering?"
Piddles assumes a deep and resonant voice. "Space...the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Garou. It's mission: to slay Wyrm creatures where they live and breed. To accumulate more Garou than the world's entire population. To produce metis like no one has before." - Piddles
"Aren't you people supposed to be doing something? Like, entertaining me, the fascist wizard?" - InleRah
I have the passwords to the minds of everyone and the cheat codes to the universe - Me |
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William of Waterdeep
Senior Scribe
USA
829 Posts |
Posted - 04 Nov 2003 : 02:26:37
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| I really liked all of these last ones,the last 3 are really good. |
Courage isn't the lack of fear but rather believing in and doing what you know is right even though fear is present.
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Cult_Leader
Learned Scribe
USA
337 Posts |
Posted - 06 Nov 2003 : 13:20:16
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| Meh, I thought you would like them. |
"Madness you say! Do you fear me? Are you afraid of what I might do, of what I might say? What a fascinating reaction. Don't you find it somewhat encumbering?"
Piddles assumes a deep and resonant voice. "Space...the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship...Garou. It's mission: to slay Wyrm creatures where they live and breed. To accumulate more Garou than the world's entire population. To produce metis like no one has before." - Piddles
"Aren't you people supposed to be doing something? Like, entertaining me, the fascist wizard?" - InleRah
I have the passwords to the minds of everyone and the cheat codes to the universe - Me |
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Lord Rad
Great Reader
United Kingdom
2080 Posts |
Posted - 06 Nov 2003 : 17:21:29
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ROFLMAO
Fantastic, Cult_Leader!! |
Lord Rad
"What? No, I wasn't reading your module. I was just looking at the pictures"
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AD&D Funnies
