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Akeri Rualuavain
Seeker
Canada
99 Posts |
 Posted - 20 Nov 2007 : 02:48:01
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quote:
Originally posted by Akeri Rualuavain
Prologue 2
As the sun began to ignite the horizon, the elf ducked into her camp. Within it, thanks to the heavy drapes, there was practically no light. The moon elf soon came back to her true from. Her skin darken and soon became a shiny ebony. She sighed with relief, and sank into her reverie. In it, she relived a ritual moonlit dance, but a tall drow of incredible beauty - not in fact part of her memory - entered her circle.
IS it better ? |
Sorry for my bad English, I'm french born
The courage to follow our dreams is the first step to achieve our destiny
The tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo
http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/98/Jul/gazebo.html |
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Rinonalyrna Fathomlin
Great Reader
USA
7106 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2007 : 17:30:59
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Yes it is.
I have to agree that writing in English first would be a worthwhile undertaking (and good practice). |
"Instead of asking why we sleep, it might make sense to ask why we wake. Perchance we live to dream. From that perspective, the sea of troubles we navigate in the workaday world might be the price we pay for admission to another night in the world of dreams."
--Richard Greene (letter to Time) |
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Akeri Rualuavain
Seeker
Canada
99 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2007 : 18:27:18
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| And would it be best if I lenghten my prologue ? Does it need more polishing ? |
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Rinonalyrna Fathomlin
Great Reader
USA
7106 Posts |
Posted - 20 Nov 2007 : 19:09:21
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quote:
Originally posted by Akeri Rualuavain
And would it be best if I lenghten my prologue ? Does it need more polishing ?
Prologues need not be lengthy, in my opinion.
Yes, it could use more polishing. I'll help later when I have more time. |
"Instead of asking why we sleep, it might make sense to ask why we wake. Perchance we live to dream. From that perspective, the sea of troubles we navigate in the workaday world might be the price we pay for admission to another night in the world of dreams."
--Richard Greene (letter to Time) |
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Chronicle of a Silverymoon Journey
