| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| jornan |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 03:53:35
I'm asking this question because my wife doesn't like my multi-shelf collection of Forgotten Realms books taking up a wall in our basement and wants me to unload of it.
She asked me what my collection means to me and why I want to keep it so badly and I couldn't give a really convincing argument other than I have basically grown up with these books for the past 17 years or so and they have been a huge part of my life. I like re-reading them and cross referencing the ongoing meta-story that is the realms.
Can anyone else put into words what your FR collection (or greater book collection, becuase I have many of them as well and have already gotten rid of hundreds of them) means to you? |
| 30 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Artemas Entreri |
Posted - 29 Aug 2011 : 16:38:52
quote:
Originally posted by AdamBridger
A fair few people on here have criticised the original posters wife for being selfish - I however, think that that criticism is unfair. If she's asking for the collection to be got rid of, then she obviously doesn't understand its worth to you. If you are struggling to explain to her in words what it means to you then you should show her what it means to you - show her some of the collection, ask her to read at least a chapter or two and then see if she understands its worth to you.
Just make sure she doesn't crease the spines  |
| Dennis |
Posted - 28 Aug 2011 : 03:01:31
I would like to use MJ Davidson's description of her own library..."It's like my own bathroom. It's impossible not to visit it in any given day." |
| Varl |
Posted - 27 Aug 2011 : 15:56:15
Everyone has a hobby or activity they enjoy. I'm sure she has one too; something that she enjoys doing. Ask her how she'd feel if you asked her to drop it. The OP needs to let her know why it means to you what it does. From your original post, it doesn't sound like she knows. Tell her. Like many of us that have made gaming a lifelong pursuit, you can take the game away from the gamer, but you can't take the game out of him. |
| AdamBridger |
Posted - 27 Aug 2011 : 11:15:06
A fair few people on here have criticised the original posters wife for being selfish - I however, think that that criticism is unfair. If she's asking for the collection to be got rid of, then she obviously doesn't understand its worth to you. If you are struggling to explain to her in words what it means to you then you should show her what it means to you - show her some of the collection, ask her to read at least a chapter or two and then see if she understands its worth to you. |
| Artemas Entreri |
Posted - 26 Aug 2011 : 20:51:57
quote:
Originally posted by jornan
I'm asking this question because my wife doesn't like my multi-shelf collection of Forgotten Realms books taking up a wall in our basement and wants me to unload of it.
She asked me what my collection means to me and why I want to keep it so badly and I couldn't give a really convincing argument other than I have basically grown up with these books for the past 17 years or so and they have been a huge part of my life. I like re-reading them and cross referencing the ongoing meta-story that is the realms.
Can anyone else put into words what your FR collection (or greater book collection, becuase I have many of them as well and have already gotten rid of hundreds of them) means to you?
Excellent post! My Realms collection is invaluable to me. I literally would not sell it for $5000. I can remember what was going on in my life when i read each and every realms book that i own. I just recently got back into reading realms books after a 5 year hiatus, so my collection is not complete...but i'm catching up quickly.  |
| Tasker Daze |
Posted - 25 Aug 2011 : 00:32:25
quote:
Originally posted by Saer Cormaeril
quote:
Originally posted by Halidan
It only broke down when I became disabled and can no longer sit for more than 1 hour without heavy narcotics, making gaming impossible.
Ha! And here I *prefer* to game on heavy narcotics!
That explains a lot of your posts! |
| Saer Cormaeril |
Posted - 24 Aug 2011 : 22:35:49
quote:
Originally posted by Halidan
It only broke down when I became disabled and can no longer sit for more than 1 hour without heavy narcotics, making gaming impossible.
Ha! And here I *prefer* to game on heavy narcotics! |
| Thelonius |
Posted - 24 Aug 2011 : 18:09:20
My gf calls it "the freak room", I prefer saying Ivory Tower tbh  and about my feelings for the FR they are a mix of my first introduction to the role playing games thanks to Baldur's Gate, that made me come to this forums and this forums made me start reading, so anytime I look at my collection I remember all the years in here learning a lot from loads of learned scribes, some still here and some gone. Mine was really a somehow twisted journey, PC games brought me to the Candlekeep site that shot me into the Realms books; and I am so thankful to this place for that |
| Wooly Rupert |
Posted - 23 Aug 2011 : 04:51:22
quote:
Originally posted by Thelonius
quote:
Originally posted by Wooly Rupert
One room of our house is pretty much mine. The rest of the house, I let my wife make decisions for. It works for us.
Same deal my gf and I have. My room is filled with Fr novels, my pc, and everything and every book I have read or plan to read, that together with my Psychology studies material is my Ivory Tower as I call it
That's pretty much our setup. My PC and hers (though she uses the laptop more, now), most of my books, and nearly all of my toys. Oh, and my minis. It's officially "the computer room" but the computers take up a smaller portion of the room. |
| Alystra Illianniis |
Posted - 22 Aug 2011 : 23:19:21
Looks like we all have the same view on this one. My collection of Realms stuff is small compared to many (I'm somewhat picky in what I buy) but it means just as much to me. It is/was how I discovered gaming in general, and has added to my love of all things fantasy and my love of reading. It has also inspired me in my own writing- see my siggy for some of that- so I feel very attatched to my collection. I don't understand the mind-set of some women who think that a man's treasured possessions are nothing but an inconvenience or space-taker. So what? I bet she's got more shoes and clothes than she knows what to do with.... |
| Gouf |
Posted - 22 Aug 2011 : 19:40:45
My RPG collection is one of my 2 major escapes from reality. It's very sanity saving. Power play in relationships doesn't play with me. It's about respect, after all you don't tell her to toss out all those shoes he has.
Sadly I probably remember as much realms history as I do real word history. I am very fond and have great memories from the major campaigns I have participated in. I hate to take the 'from my cold dead hands' approach, but that sums it up for me. |
| Thelonius |
Posted - 22 Aug 2011 : 16:46:57
quote:
Originally posted by Wooly Rupert
One room of our house is pretty much mine. The rest of the house, I let my wife make decisions for. It works for us.
Same deal my gf and I have. My room is filled with Fr novels, my pc, and everything and every book I have read or plan to read, that together with my Psychology studies material is my Ivory Tower as I call it |
| Halidan |
Posted - 22 Aug 2011 : 02:36:12
My wife and I have now been married for 24 wonderful years. From the beginging of our dating, she knew about my gaming interest (I was working at a comics/game store when we met) and had no problem with it. When we combined our households, we made an agreement - I could haveone day/night a week for my interests, and she could have one for hers. Those times were sancrosect and neither of us would demand that the other had to give one up. This agreement has worked through 24 years, four children, five major job changes and two career-motivated moves. It only broke down when I became disabled and can no longer sit for more than 1 hour without heavy narcotics, making gaming impossible. Even if I can't game, she still gets her evening to sing with her barbershop chorus.
As for my collection, it's very large. I am a FRPG collector. I have a complete TSR/WotC collection of the D&D and AD&D lines. This includes many of the licenced things like the D&D comic bookks, coloring books, D&D gummy candies (still in the wrappers), the Red Dragon beach towel, and even the prayer card from King Azoun's Funeral at one of the last Milwaukee Gen Con's. In addition to the TSR/WotC collection, I have a large collection of third party FRPG material dating from the Palace of the Vampire Queen to many of the Pathfinder adventurers. Given how large the collection is, I've had it professionally apraised, and have added a rider to my insurance policy.
As to the OP's original question, "what does my collection mean to me?" - I'd have to say that it represents 30+ years of near-weekly gatherings with my friends (I started gaming in 1977). It is my one and only hobby - I don't golf, fish or hunt. Since my disability, collecting is the only way I have to enjoy this hobby at present. I can't sit down with my friends on Sunday night any more, so I re-read the old modules, and I read modules that I never ran and imagine what my gaming would have done if they were presented with this situation.
My wife and I may have occassional disagreements about how much I spend on my hobby, but it's existance is a fact that I don't think she'd ever try and change. It's part of me and helps make me who I am. Taking it away would change who I am and how I react to the world around me.
I know that most of these reasons don't apply to anyone else on Candlekeep, but they are my reasons behind my collection. It's certainly not as important as my wife, my 4 children, nor my faith, but it probably ranks a distant fourth. That's why I keep collecting and bagging oold and new material in acid free bags with backers. It's also why I paint minis when my health allows. |
| Mystic Lemur |
Posted - 21 Aug 2011 : 20:50:08
Just tell her "No." They belong to you, not her, and they're already in the basement. How often does she have to look at them in the basement.
Or, you could try to get her into the Realms by teaching her to play D&D. It worked with my wife. |
| Thieran |
Posted - 21 Aug 2011 : 16:51:20
quote:
Originally posted by Kno
Tell her the books are tools for fun, like vibrators
I'm no prude, but that's just a rather tasteless remark. |
| Kno |
Posted - 21 Aug 2011 : 16:17:48
Tell her the books are tools for fun, like vibrators |
| Fellfire |
Posted - 21 Aug 2011 : 00:18:12
Welcome back, Markus. Several Sages have remarked on your absence. Your insight has been missed. |
| Markustay |
Posted - 21 Aug 2011 : 00:13:04
First: Do you desperately need the room for other things? Is the mere sight of them making her ill? One must question her insistence on you obliterating a part of your past. If something means a lot to you, then it seems to me it is pretty selfish of the other party to force you to be rid of it.
Second: As someone who has just recently lost ALL of his FR/D&D/RPG stuff from the past 35 years, it is like having a huge whole in your heart. Looking at that stuff used to bring back such fond memories of mine and my friends exploits - those evenings, and even entire weekends, just dedicated to killing things and getting Phat Lewtz. Sure it was silly and most of the scenarios were pretty zany/immature, but that is part of the magic those treasures from your past help you still connect with. Getting rid of it is like cutting away a piece of who you are. |
| Seravin |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 22:47:34
Oh also, if she DOES make you get rid of it, I live in Canada too so get rid of it in my direction :) |
| Fellfire |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 20:45:42
Agreed. Whether you have a man-cave in your basement populated with power tools and geeky paraphenelia or or a den or parlor filled with leather chairs and bookshelves. It is your private space in which to unwind and drift. If you have bath-beads and pot-pourri in the bathroom, do you bitch? Tell her, ''NO! Those are mine. They bring me joy and I will not part with them. Accept it as a part of me.'' |
| Seravin |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 20:44:06
Wow. I don't get why she doesn't want you to keep a few shelves of books that give you pleasure. This is not a sane person that would ask that of you, and in your shoes I'd be asking questions and making demands on her to visit a therapist to figure out why she feels threatened by your collection.
I love my realms collection and it grows monthly. I'm worried one day I'll run out of box sets and books to buy. Thankfully they put out so much material in the last 25 years I'm unlikely to run out any time soon! I love to read a Realms novel and cross reference with the material published and the Volo's Guides and just see how hugely intricate it all is. Imagining myself in the realms and plots for fanfiction I could one day write helps me have nice dreams at night too. And then there's having it around for replaying Baldur's Gates 1&2 and Neverwinter Nights and Icewind Dale. |
| Synthalus |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 18:40:26
it enriches my life with wonderment, excitment and intrigue. it keeps me interseted in reading and makes me a more rounded person. the realms is more then just a D&D campaign setting for me, its a real world that is out there in some other dimension that we get glimpses of thru the prohetic imaginations of the FR authors. its a state of mind that gives stregth and also confidence. |
| Kuje |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 18:03:50
My book collection, which includes more then the Realms but hundreds of RPG source books going back to 1e for D&D and dozens of other game systems/worlds, as well as over two thousand or more novels, is where I go to let my imagination take over. It's not an escape, it's more of it lets me think, ponder, and wonder. It's filled with heroes, magical wonders, steam machines, etc.
Sorry, but if anyone ever told me that I'd have to give up my books, that's pretty selfish, as was said. How would that person feel if you asked them to give up something they cherish? |
| The Sage |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 15:56:46
quote:
Originally posted by Wooly Rupert
One room of our house is pretty much mine. The rest of the house, I let my wife make decisions for. It works for us.
Oh, yes.
I call mine the SageCave... Just like the Bat Cave -- only, instead, it's filled with geeky gadgets and archaic technologies, as well as dusty aspects of most forms geekdom paraphernalia, instead of the gadgets and artifacts collected by the World's Greatest Detective. |
| Dennis |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 15:12:58
quote:
Originally posted by Wooly Rupert
One room of our house is pretty much mine. The rest of the house, I let my wife make decisions for. It works for us.
Tried it before but didn't work for us. My partner and I co-own practically everything. |
| Wooly Rupert |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 15:05:22
One room of our house is pretty much mine. The rest of the house, I let my wife make decisions for. It works for us. |
| Dennis |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 14:48:40
I have to agree with Eltheron. I don't think you have to defend keeping your collection. While I don't entirely like the reason that prompted you to post your query, I like the question in itself, nonetheless. It's not really my most prized collection, but I value it still, more than some other things. |
| Eltheron |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 14:25:04
quote:
Originally posted by jornan
I'm asking this question because my wife doesn't like my multi-shelf collection of Forgotten Realms books taking up a wall in our basement and wants me to unload of it.
She asked me what my collection means to me and why I want to keep it so badly and I couldn't give a really convincing argument other than I have basically grown up with these books for the past 17 years or so and they have been a huge part of my life. I like re-reading them and cross referencing the ongoing meta-story that is the realms.
Can anyone else put into words what your FR collection (or greater book collection, becuase I have many of them as well and have already gotten rid of hundreds of them) means to you?
This argument is fine, in and of itself. But honestly, you shouldn't be required to make it in the first place.
If your wife isn't happy with having the entire rest of the house, and you have to come up with a convincing argument just to keep a few of your treasured things on a couple shelves in the basement... well, she's being incredibly selfish. You are half of the relationship, and it's not just about what she wants.
|
| AdamBridger |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 11:32:28
Don't think I could put it into words. My Forgotten Realms collection and even my larger general book collection are one of my most prized possessions. They are how I pass the time, relax and drift off into worlds of the imagination. I ran out of shelf space a long time ago - there are now stacks of books and dvds all over my house.
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| The Sage |
Posted - 20 Aug 2011 : 07:43:54
I've three loves in my life -- the Lady K, little Narnra, and the Realms.
'Nuff said!
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