| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Dantrag |
Posted - 05 May 2003 : 23:55:19
Prelude
Walking swiftly, the cloaked mage took only a second to grab his spell book and his friend. Once outside of his home town Memmon, he ran as fast as his skinny body could take him.” Songhurly… please tell me how far were going?” asked a young mage, and Songhurly’s apprentice.” When the wind blows I will tell you.” Replied Songhurly casually as always. He said nothing more that night, the wind howling away at the small stub of a beard growing on his chin. Everything was dim and the mountains looked lively at the ten-mile hike from their campsite. They came upon a great mountain, Umbra as it was often called. Or better than that the ‘Great Mountain of No return’.“ Over There” Songhurly said pointing to a cave in which it looked as the entrance had been ‘hand made’. They entered the cave, and began to walk a ways down it. After what seemed as an entirety, they saw a small light in an opening ahead of them. They raced to it, avoiding the jagged edges of the mountain formations. Then they came upon it .It was a sword, and not just any sword it had an aura of great magic about it. The hilt was shaped as a dragon’s fang, and the sword was pure mithril with diamonds engraved in the sharp edges. Songhurly’s apprentice went to touch it. “No!!” yelled Songhurly as loud as he could, but the young mage had just put his hand on it. He burned to the ground. Then the mountain began to shake as five burly looking men came in the small opening. They entered the room all of them looking like bandits. Songhurly’s hand went up to start an invocation, fingers in a blur, Songhurly sent out fire from a fingertip, searing one of the bandits face and body. The last four came with their dagger tips strait and hit an invisible wall of stone. Songhurly took that chance and sent a lighting bolt out to both attackers. And both died. The mountain began to shake more and more; Songhurly knew it was about to collapse. Chanting still, magical missiles shot out at the two remaining bandits. They survived the attack with minor injuries stayed up and threw their daggers at the magic stonewall Songhurly had created. Bad move. Songhurly sent an orb over one of the bandit’s heads. It killed the bandit; also the after affect of the spell ‘CHARSMATIC ORB’ gives the spell caster their life force, so Songhurly felt energized. The last one took one look at Songhurly and high-tailed it out of there. Figuring that the escaped bandit may go tell the rest of his group, he looked at the sword and put a magical protection spell over himself. Grabbed it and ran, …To Neverwinter…
Chapter one
Hidden heritage
He crept silently through the shadows; only the infrared eyes of a black elf could see him. He was an assassin, killing for money, and no regard for others. Jalfrez was deadly in battle, people believed the most deadly of all assassins. He was on a mission to kill Songhurly, the person that his master Mesrom, perhaps the most powerful wizard in Faruen, wanted him to kill for reasons unknown. His cloak was up hiding his face. It seemed, that he never showed his face. He could feel the wind of this night, it howled away at the buildings he was leaping from. The city of Memmon hustled and bustled about, taking no interest in the cloaked form colliding with the shadows .He then came upon his target, a strange red building with windows everywhere. Jalfrez was angered when he came upon it; there was no one there, yet he felt compelled to go in. Perhaps he could find information of the human’s whereabouts. With more agility than a cat he leaped on to the great building. Out of his cloak he took out a small dagger, its finely crafted edges glimmering in the moonlight. He traced a circle on one of the windows. Then gently he grabbed the glass, and slipped into the building. There were voices coming from the room; He could barely make them out,” Songhurly ben’ takin too many nights out.” Said a strangely cloaked man.” He went to Neverwinter,” replied a man that Jalfrez could not see. “Go and look fer’ that thing he wants.” The cloaked man left into another room and was gone. Hiding in the shadows Jalfrez crept ever so closely to the man. The man felt the breath of Jalfrez, and reflexively spun around and searched for his weapon. He was dead before he drew his weapon, the shimmering dagger into his throat. With a thud he hit the ground…. dead. The other man came into the room after hearing his friends’ screams, but to his horror all he saw was his bloody companion.
* * * * *
A man came at him with his fists up. He swung an upper cut, but Detrix was expecting that. He dodged the blow and found the man with his forearm, knocking him out. Bodies lay the floor at the well-known bar in Memmon: The White Rider. Two more came at him, reflexively he thrust his two fists at there stomachs. He hit home on the left one, but the one on the right side dodged his blow only to be met by Detrix’s other fist. This brawl is one for the ages Detrix thought as he mangled his way through the bar to the door. Once outside he looked for a place to stay, hoping to get there without incident, he trotted fast until he came to a sign that read: The Out Box Inn…Finest Inn in Memmon. He was a handsome looking elf, with a green cloak, which blended greatly with his hairless skin. As he entered two surly looking dwarfs, who happened to have their weapons unsheathed, greeted him. Another fight which Detrix wouldn’t likely win.
* * * * *
“Bah, Detrix should be here now” Rutyz the dwarf, and Detrix’s business partner said. “Lets leave without him. He’s been a nuisance ever since we’ve been here,” said Ogling who happened to have bad relationship with Detrix.” Shut yer’ mouth Ogling” replied Rutyz grimly. Just then an elf popped in, with two dwarfs in gleaming armor. “ Detrix…” Rutyz said giving an angry glare Ogling’s way.” Perhaps you should make your friends treat me a little better,” Detrix said after one of the dwarfs nudged him not to gently.” Come let us discuss the business “ Detrix said. He looked over to the dwarfs who accompanied him.” Alone”
* * * * *
“I want you to come with me to the town of Neverwinter.” Rutyz said as he stepped in his house with Detrix.” “And why would that be?” Detrix replied slyly.” Me friend Songhurly ben’ havin a bit o’ trouble”. Detrix nodded his head” Go on”.” Well” Rutyz started again “He has seen something no other person would be able to… A great sword which will burn the flesh from your hands if your not bein’ careful”. He stumbled upon a cave with some sort of bandits in it….”Rutyz said ”And now their chasin’ after him”. Detrix replied with a grin “Let me guess you want me to help you save Songhurly?”. Rutyz nodded his head eagerly. With a sigh Detrix said”…. let me get my things”.
* * * * *
With his cloak up, he seemed a shadow to the merchants in Memmon. Jalfrez, spinning on through the road, which would get him out of Memmon and on his way to Neverwinter. He was getting paid in full for this trip to kill the human Songhurly, Jalfrez Promised himself. He was walking without a care, even though a band of orcs waited for him on the outskirts of Memmon. He hit rock after rock with his shoes that were made out of cotton, only grunting as he hit them. He came over a hill to find at least a score of orcs waiting for him. He unsheathed his dagger and short sword so quickly; the (not to bright) orcs thought it an illusion.
Right until he stabbed one of them in the chest, that is. One of them came at him with a very long spear looking for the easy kill, only to be swatted away by his short sword. Up, down, right, left he came so quickly that it was almost an after affect to twitch in pain for the orcs. He accepted a stinging hit from a spear, taking it only with a grunt. He held back his dagger hand waiting for a shot in at the orc he was now facing. Up came the short sword and up came his chance as well. He batted the spear up, and in came the dagger, the gleaming edges sinking through the heart of the orc.
A minute after, a score of orcs lay dead on the ground. After looting the bodies was finished, he looked to the night’s sky, to Neverwinter. He was about 20 miles from Memmon, but could still hear the people scrambling and running about. With the grasses blowing over, it looked like an ocean that Jalfrez desperately wanted to see. That was the only sign of compassion that the assassin ever gave, his love for the sea.
* * * * *
It wasn’t a day after Rutyz told Detrix about the Great Sword, that they left off. With at least a score of dwarfs behind them they headed for Neverwinter. They kept a steady pace about them to try to make it there before Songhurly, and save his life. They heard that the greatest of all assassins were chasing Songhurly, so the kept their pace even faster. With at least a tenday in time to get their, it was going to be an eventful trip. Detrix was skipping along, while Rutyz was plowing threw the mud.” Elf ye’ need to be alert” Rutyz said” Because if a troll or an orc pops up ye’ need to be ready”. Detrix unsheathed his Long and short swords.” I’ll be ready don’t you doubt” He said.
Just then the wagon in front of them stopped. “ What is it?” Rutyz asked angrily. “ Seems theirs a bit o’ giants along the path” one of the dwarfs said. “ Me and the elf ill take um,” Rutyz said while looking up gingerly to Detrix. Detrix nodded and started off. “ But sir there are four giants.” the dwarf said. Rutyz replied with a smirk “ Then it seems they don’t have a chance.”.
After arriving at the giant’s camp the companions realized that their more than four giants, there were six. Rutyz nodded to Detrix. Detrix quietly slipped on the other side of the camp where a lot of trees were, and stayed. The giants were sleeping. He nodded to Rutyz and slipped right above a giant. Down went the long sword into the giant’s heart, and with a screech he died. The others woke up after hearing their companion. It picked up its club only to see an axe its head and a wild dwarf yelling. It also stayed alive long enough for it to see a slashing elf. Up and down went Detrix’s swords, almost de-arming his giant opponent. Lighting quick strikes were cutting deep gashes in every limb. The giant finally fell over dead. A quick glance at Rutyz showed that he had felled another two. The last one was caught in between Rutyz and Detrix. It decided to take its chances with the dwarf instead of the elf. But the agile elf wouldn’t allow that. He came in low trying to sweep the giant off the ground, but to his surprise and pleasure it was already dead, with an axe in its head.
After arriving back at the camp, the two warriors took a little time to clean the blood from their weapons and fall asleep on their cot.
* * * * *
From their current position, Detrix’s keen eyes told them what the fire was at the other side of the river. Far behind the river were mountains and mountains.” We are in the Black Forest” Detrix said. With no reply from either Ogling or Rutyz, Detrix continued, “ There are many creatures in this forest, so I may scout ahead and…” Rutyz cut him off, “ We are’ just goin into a forest. Why are ye scoutin’ off now?” “ Because we need a way to find danger and no dwarf is quiet enough to go into a forest without stirring every giant, and whatever else may be…” Detrix replied. Rutyz motioned for him to go.
Detrix moved silently deeper into the forest, he could see some movement to the left where big patches of trees were. He caught a vague glimpse of one of their eyes, the deep yellow eyes where fool of kindness. Elves. “ De santhere riyt moe” one elf yelled from one of the trees, meaning ‘ Why and where have you come?’ in elvish.
“ To see if the path was clear to cross. My dwarf friends and I are going to Neverwinter” Detrix said. The wood elves winced after the word ‘dwarfs’. They never liked dwarfs coming into their homeland and trampling their beautiful forest. “Ere yon roin” one elf said meaning ‘ Move on’.
“ I know you feel like eyes are watching ye’, but tis only the elves of the woodland.” Detrix said after noticing every dwarf’s face as they moved threw the forest. They moved swifter, hoping to get out of these lonesome woods soon.
The forest felt as if there was a great evil magic of some kind. They knew they were out of the elves territory so they kept alert ever more. You never know when something is going to catch you unarmed.
* * * * *
Deep in the forest Jalfrez was, Mesrom had sent him twelve men for the journey. The old mage had seen Songhurly’s friends not far from where Jalfrez was, so he teleported some men to him.
“ There” Jalfrez whispered excitedly, the men in armor Mesrom had sent were also whispering excitedly. Jalfrez saw and elf in the score of dwarfs. He looked quite queer in the mist of the armored dwarfs.
They approached swiftly until they were a hundred yards of the foe. “ Charge!!” every armored man yelled.
Soon enough they were in close quarters with the dwarfs. Jalfrez, hiding in the shadows, watched the elf Detrix cut through Mesrom’s ranks. After a moment Jalfrez leaped out when Detrix was close enough to see him. He landed the hilt of his dagger squarely on the elf’s jaw.
After all Jalfrez was older and more experienced in swordplay. Jalfrez whipped the cloak off of his face, revealing his true form. A dark elf.
After throwing his cloak off he was blinded from the fight for a split-second, but that was long enough for the quick-witted young elf. His hatred for the dark elven race added to his rage. Detrix let out a lighting quick strike that cut through the skin of the dark elf. He was about to slash again when all of a sudden Jalfrez vanished. He turned around. The dwarfs were losing the battle, and he was falling in and out of conscious. The dwarfs were fighting back greatly, but they were losing more of their people. Detrix turned around to see an axe planted in a human’s head. The battle went on for many minutes, until an arrow sizzled out of the trees. Everyone fighting turned around to see the elves. Up came their swords with precision, and slaying humans as if they were cloth. He looked around to see every man brought dead, and half the dwarfs. Their faces were drowned with horror.
A dark elf.
Chapter two
Ways of the past
Jalfrez sat in the chamber of Mesrom, seeming certainly at ease. The maidens or Mesrom’s playthings were swaying around this way and that. How could he chose such wenches, and especially in the bare nude. They were the ugliest women he had ever seen, but then again he was a drow and things that seem beautiful to a human’s eye are absolutely pitiful to a drow’s.
The only thing keeping him awake were the insistent moans of the wenches. Jalfrez thought about leaping out of the chair and grabbing one of them to teach the others a lesson. Right until the old mage came into the room.
It was MESROM LOOKING YOUNGER THAN EVER BEFORE, JALFREZ NOTED. “ Great day you come to my palace” Mesrom said as he entered the chamber. “ Was I THE SUMMONER?” JALFREZ SLYLY QUESTIONED. MESROM LOOKED PUZZLED FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID SOMETHING TO THE MAIDS. THEY FLUTTERD OUT OF THE ROOM. “ PERHAPS YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT THE MAGICAL CLOAK ON…. IF THE SURVIVING DWARFS TELL OF YOUR HERITAGE THEN YOU SURLY WILL BE HUNTED DOWN.”
“ IM THANKFUL THAT I AM IN SAFE HANDS.” THE DROW REPLIED EYEING MESROM. With a chuckle Mesrom replied” indeed…”
* * * * *
AFTER LEAVING THE ELVES FROM THE BATTLE, DETRIX AND THE DWARFS HEADED OFF TO NEVERWINTER. THE ELVES INSISTED THAT THEY STAY, BUT THEY HAD A JOB TO DO. AFTER SAYING GOODBYES AND THANKS, THEY WERE OFF.
“ Will be arriving in Neverwinter on the second day of the year of the autumn twilight” Rutyz said after exiting the forest.
It wasn’t long after the battle that they arrived in Neverwinter. They walked up to the gate.” What aves thee to come to Neverwinter” the gatekeeper asked. He was sitting on the outpost the guard had put up. Detrix looked around the gate. He could tell there were at least a dozen crossbows pointed at him now. “ We are seeking a friend that traveled this way…perhaps you know him. Goes by Songhurly.” Rutyz said. The gatekeeper thought for a moment, then spoke” yes, yes… A man stopped here a few days ago. Fancied himself a mage….”. Rutyz nodded his head” that’s the one. Now If you’ll excuse me we’ll be getin’ in right about now”.
They strutted off towards the center of town. Neverwinter was a beautiful place aside from the cutthroats and bandits that came through here. They were walking through an area with several naked peasants. They smelled a wicked stench. One reached out to grab Rutyz, and he slapped their hand away. Well at least the royal section was beautiful. They came around a bend to see a great structure… HIGH TOWER OF NEVERWINTER AS IT WAS CALLED. IT KEPT THE MOST FAMOUS MAGES IN THE ENTIRE REALM. THE STRUCTURE LOOKED VERY MUCH LIKE A GUARD TOWER. IT HAD SMOOTH LEDGES MADE OF MARBLE, WITH A GREAT BALCONY GOING AROUND IT.
“ That’s the place, “ Rutyz said accordingly. They entered to find a giant stairway in the middle. The wooden edges seemed to glimmer in the dim light.
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| 6 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| frmrtd |
Posted - 28 Jun 2003 : 01:37:13
it was very good
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| eilinel |
Posted - 16 Jun 2003 : 14:52:43
not bad. i read it twice actually to get the smallest details.
interesting, keep it up, really. |
| The Sage |
Posted - 11 Jun 2003 : 08:28:55
I agree Brynweir. This is a very good effort, and there is a lot of potential ideas here that need to be explored a little more. Perhaps you should refine a few of the more lengthier portions of the text. Also a little more detail in some parts would be nice.
Keep up the effort though, as I said, this story has great potential.
May all your learning be free and unfettered
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| Brynweir |
Posted - 10 Jun 2003 : 18:31:49
I see by the numbers that several people have read this, but you did not request comments or anything.
It is a little long and it jumps around a lot. It seems like a pretty good first attempt, but I would keep working on it. The ideas are there, but the peice as a whole needs some work. Keep at it! |
| Dantrag |
Posted - 10 Jun 2003 : 03:44:56
quote:
Originally posted by Dantrag
Won't anybody read it. it is the best a 14 year old can do...
By the way i was Hendrindar but now i am Dantrag |
| Dantrag |
Posted - 10 Jun 2003 : 03:43:56
Won't anybody read it. it is the best a 14 year old can do... |
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