| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| Valondil the Ranger |
Posted - 26 May 2004 : 23:39:50
Seventy-four years ago, I, Valondil the Ranger, was born to my mother, Uzthera, in Evereska. I was born to a wealthy elven family that were descendants of an elf of the ancient Elven Court of Cormanthor.
Twenty years into my life, I had already graduated from the fighters academy and served as a noble for my house, House Riistheru. My life as a noble was boring and bland, much too uneventful for my liking. I wished to serve as a mercenary, but Uzthera disapproved. So, for five more years, my life was dormant and unexciting.
One night, as I hunched over parchment, scrawling down names for a dinner party we would be hosting, I heard a scream echo down the hall. It was my mother's. Dropping the quill, I shot out of my chambers and down the hall to find Uzthera gasping for air in a pool of blood on the floor next to her bed. Her throat had been slit. My gaze idled to the right and I saw a glimpse of a shadow, leap over out the window. Not hesitating the least, I ran after it in pursuit.
I reached the window pane and looked over it. I just managed to catch sight of a cape billowing in the wind as it turned a corner down an alleyway adjacent to the gates of House Riistheru. I leapt out of the window and hit the ground in a quick roll that blended into a sprint as I ran full-throttle towards the front gates. Ignoring the guard, I leapt the gate and dashed down the street and into the alleyway.
I soon caught up with the assassin, for he was already confident that no pursuers were on his trail. I unsheathed a dagger I kept at my thigh, despite my position and that most nobles did not bother with such "inconveniences". I, though, would never be bereft of any weapon.
So, I took the blade in my palm and aimed carefully at the assassin. He was standing in the middle of the street that he had come out on after exiting the alleyway. He stood there, hands on knees, inhaling hungrily.
Suddenly, he glanced up randomly and saw me standing in the darkness of the alley, the dagger in my hand, and sprinted down the street. Swearing, I ran after him. I came out of the alley and still had clear view of his fleeing form. I leveled the dagger and let fly.
I hit true. The dagger tore through the air and lodged itself in the assassin's back. I stood there for a while, gasping and replaying the perfect move I had used to kill the man. This was my first kill. Though I knew that this man had murdered my mother and that I deserved my retribution, I felt a certain pain in my heart. I had ended the life of another.
Before my contemplations could continue anymore, the city guard turned the corner. They all walked jovially along, laughing raucously. That was until they sighted the body. Their gazes drifted up to me, standing dumbfoundedly, not twenty paces from the corpse.
The leader pointed and shouted and they quickly plunged into action. I turned and ran down the alley I had exited as fast as I could and before I knew it, I was behind the gate House Riistheru. I knew that they had seen my face and also that they would soon find me. So, not harldy thinking, I ran back to my chamber and gathered all my important valuables.
I had murdered a man and the guards had known it. The only punishment for that was death.
So, whispering a brief prayer to Corellan Lorathien, and paying my quick respects to my mother, Uzthera, I fled House Riistheru and soon Evereska.
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Throughout my years, I served as a mercenary--as I had always wanted to--and found no flavor to the occupation. I became the apprentice of many renowned rangers, one of them being Dove Falconhand herself, I became a Harper and worked as a spy.
Two years ago, I resigned from the occupation and sought out Candlekeep to record my adventures and findings. Now that I am here, I will serve as a scribe to reveal to you all the wonders of my quests and struggles and that of many of my friends and ex-companions.
My mother always said that I could have been a bard. But I think Storyteller would do good for me now!
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| 5 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Valondil the Ranger |
Posted - 22 Jun 2004 : 02:52:33
I don't suppose it matters too much. After this story, I read a small bit on Evereska in my Campaign Setting and it's different than what I would've liked, but it works just the same. |
| SiriusBlack |
Posted - 22 Jun 2004 : 01:57:38
quote:
Originally posted by Valondil the Ranger
One more mistake is that I'm not exactly sure if Evereska had Houses, but it does add a bit of taste.
I don't ever recall seeing a rouce listing noble families for Evereska. However, there was a Dragon magazine article that listed major trading houses from the city. |
| Valondil the Ranger |
Posted - 22 Jun 2004 : 01:37:30
Thank you for your critique, Sarelle. It's nice to see that people care. J/k They're probably all busy or something. But, yeah, my writing does get bland at parts and I've been working on that. I know what you mean about the "exited" thing. I should've went over it. It would've been fixed if I'd been careful enough to look through further.
One more mistake is that I'm not exactly sure if Evereska had Houses, but it does add a bit of taste.
And yes, I did plan on writing more. I planned on writing about five page stories, but since no one answered to this piece, I was a bit discouraged. |
| Sarelle |
Posted - 21 Jun 2004 : 13:58:16
Well, the story does get off to a very bland and discouraging start - maybe a lot of people switched off after that.
However, the rest of the story is actually qyite good. I enjoyed it, after getting past those first two paragraphs - I identified with Valondil, which is always a good sign. There weren't any grammer or spelling errors that I could find, except that you used 'exited' twice in quick succession - its nice as an unusual word, but seems clumsy with overuse. But then, that is just my personal taste, not anything actually wrong with the story.
If you want a proper critique of the article, wait for Winterfox to breeze through (like a haughty queen!   ) - but I warn you, she'll be harsh.
But well done, and sorry for not giving it a chance earlier. Do you plan to write more? |
| Valondil the Ranger |
Posted - 21 Jun 2004 : 13:13:43
Why isn't anyone answering? This story has been posted for over a month! Is it not good? |
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