| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| bishopssix |
Posted - 06 Oct 2009 : 04:01:21
Alright first attempt at starting to write something, it will mess with some things that I plan on fixing later through-out the story but i'd like to get an idea of what people think of it so far...
Prologue
There was a period in time, a time where the gods were forced to walk among men as mortals as penance for their negligence towards their faithful, as well as their duties. During this time many gods fell out of existence, murdered by another rival god, or even murdered by mortals, some gods destroyed so utterly that their names were erased and forgotten from history entirely….
Chapter 1
In a small dark cavern, not far from the powerful cities of the drow in the deep recesses of the underdark, there stirred the power of a fallen deity, a god whose power was stripped during the time of troubles, a god of war, and a god of wrath, the blood god Kain. During the descent he had been posing in an illusion as a drow seer, who had the power to see the future, feeding the house rulers lies and furthering them down the path of death and destruction. “Yes mistress, I am certain that the house is planning to attack us, I believe our best plan of defense would be to attack them before they can retalia-“ he was cut off in his sentence as the descent, stripped of his power tearing off the illusion bringing forth the image of himself, a tall dark skinned elf with flowing red hair and hands eternally dripping the blood of those who’ve fallen to his lies, or his blades. Upon seeing this transformation the drow knew they were being deceived, “He’s a spy for the enemy! They are trying to trap us in the act of planning to have us executed!” they exclaimed as they went to attack him. However, a god even with his power stripped is a powerful foe, he didn’t live for thousands of years through recklessness, he cleaved his foes apart and retreated knowing he was outnumbered. He ran through the twisting corridors searching an escape unguarded by these pathetic mortals, “What has happened!?! Why did the illusion wear off, where are my…” his thoughts interrupted by a woman blocking his path, “Move, woman or face my wrath!” He screamed at the interloper blocking his passage. She quickly muttered a powerful spell that brought the savage to sleep and brought him home to her cavern away from the city, away from the prying eyes of the houses and those that would interrupt her...
As he awoke in a cavern with almost no memory of what had happened to him he lay there in thought trying to collect what had happened to him, slowly over time he started to remember what had happened, his power stripped of him in the middle of a room, a massacre of those he had to bring war upon…and a witch that had brought him down with treacherous magics, he slowly came to a sitting position to survey his surroundings and assess the situation, he was in a cave, most likely still within the underdark, as he saw on the other side of the room the witch had been watching him while he slept, he knew that if the witch was powerful enough to bring him down at the height of his fury it would be the best tactical option to stay his wrath for now and try to learn more of this cave he’s awoken in, and of the woman who’s brought him here, but this was not just any cavern, nor any woman.
This cavern was the home of the now houseless, Vlos Isto, a drow renowned for her cruelty and cunning even amongst her own people, made away from the cities after her house was destroyed because she was climbing in power too quickly, drawing the eyes of those who would fear that she would strike them down next, she was however one of the few lucky enough to anticipate that a war would be brought on her house, a war she would lose, she retreated to this cavern finding it far away enough from the city so as to not draw the eyes of any who would search for her, yet close enough to be safe from the patrolling guards that handled the vile monstrous creatures that stalked the underdark, and to get supplies that she may have need for. This home however was not only practical, but a strategic one as well, for it was in the darkest of the underdark, hard to find the entrance to even with the eyes of a drow, with only one entrance down a hill with a river near the bottom of the slope, if she had ever suspected an attack upon her it could easily be defended by removing a way across the river and hiding within the cave with a bow. This was the mind of a houseless drow left to find for herself, a drow who hungered for power after exile from her home. This was the mind of revenge.
“You’re awake” She said to the man who finally started to stir from his sleep. “What has happened to me, witch?” he replied to the drow, questioning her motives. She laughs, and replies “I saved your life, as thankful as you are for such an act of mercy, it isn’t many men who wander into the Underdark cities on a murderous rampage that survive…at least not one so unsubtle.”. He lay calmly trying to remember what exactly had happened to him, why was he here, what had happened to his power, how could he be stopped by mortals? “Leave me, I have to think” he remarked, finally after several long moments in thought, forgetting the presence of the woman. “As you wish, my lord” she replied mockingly as she left the room, one of the few knowing what this man was. She sat outside quietly relishing in the thoughts of how miserable he must be now, to have been a god and to be stripped of his power, to be forced to walk among those he thought inferior to himself, she felt for the first time in her life…a sympathy for this being, perhaps somewhat, because it was rather similar to her own case, being stripped of power and she felt it was only her due to make his time here…pleasant, as long as he remained useful to her of course, as she had been studying vigorously for years of the gods, liches, and archmages, as well as many other paths to power and immortality, so that she could have revenge on those that wronged her, she learned of the god Bhaals attempt of spawning children to fuel his reincarnation after his death, through acting as a seer to paranoid gods and other beings of power, only to gain her own insight on such matters, and had began to contemplate on this, there had to of been some way to which she could use this gods weak state to take his power for her own, but how?
Frustrated by this turn of events the former deity releases his fury, devastating what there is within this cave before walking out angrily, he was still a god, he knew in his mind that he did not have to fear this witch, for what are magics compared to the wrath of a divine being? “I’ve had enough of your games, witch! Whatever it was you did to leave me in this state you will undo, now! You will restore my power to its former glory or I will have you head among the pillars of my walls!” He screamed in fury at the woman quietly sitting in her chair. She laughed, as the man went to lunge at her, he stopped frozen in mid-air held in place by magic, she knew what the response of one who had earned the title of “the blood god” wraths would be, or would have been, had she not poisoned him in his sleep to sap the strength the god had left, having to resort to the strongest of her poisons, it would of killed any normal man. “My lord, I do not believe you are in a position to tell me what it is that I must do, as you can see, it is I who is the lord here, not you, and you would do well to heed what I tell you.” She said coldly, he hung there in fury, savagely trying to tear the witch apart, he knew in his mind that she must die, she has to die, she’s made of fool of him and she must pay for such treachery…however, it could not be done at this time, after several hours he finally gave in his vain assault, “I shall do whatever it is that you wish…” He replied quietly ashamed that he was bested by a vile and treacherous, witch.
“That is good, but it is not what I need of you to do now, but what I shall need of you, go and regain your strength, so that you are not so…useless.” She replied insultingly, watching as he seethed in fury at the witches arrogance, “How dare she command things of me! Does she not know who I am? I am a god! I am Kain! I am the blood god, and she shall do well to know of my wrath, when the time is right.” He thought to himself, as he started to enter back into the dark recesses of the cave to which he awoke in. She quickly mentioned “I know exactly who you are “The bloody handed god” and your wrath is a mute point now, I am well beyond your power, and I can easily read your thoughts and know what you would wish to do to me, you would do well to remember that.”
Kain, the blood god, a god that rose to power near the dawn of time, when he and his brother were spawned, as Selune and Shar were born to represent the light and the dark, so too were the gods Kain and Revain to represent the evil and the good. As the creatures of the planet started to form societies Revain did what he could to help them better themselves as a god of kindness, and love, Kain on the other hand was a god of war, of blood, he did what he could to advance these races that would wage war and spread bloodshed in his name, even through manipulations of other gods, he found the greatest blood-shed in the manipulation of the Ilythiiri elves, an already violent and war mongering race to seek the aid of the outcast goddess Lolth, giving them powerful artifacts and the help of daemons, leading to the race to be exiled and become the drow after the intervention of the elvish overgod Corellon, banishing them to the dark recesses of the underdark, a massive series of caverns that spread through-out the world, where even more blood was shed as they attempted to climb to the top of leadership of their race, where eventually Revain tried to bring peace to this race tried to intervene, only to be stopped at the entrance met by his brothers blade, such was the ways of the blood god. If blood was shed, he did not matter by whom or how.
She had studied much of this deity, known by few, a knife in the dark who wished to keep his identity secret, usually posing as a false seer or councilor to war chiefs and kings, always advising the road leading to war, bringing much blood-shed to the lands, and the cause of much of the wars that had plagued the world. She knew that she was not dealing with a bloodthirsty brute, but a cunning deceiver, and if she were to keep the advantage over this foe, she would need to stay prepared and ahead of him. After hours of contemplative thought on the best way to make use of this situation she decided she’d create an antidote to help restore his power, whilst keeping him under the effects of an illusion to make her appear more powerful than she were. As long as he feared his death from her she knew that she would have his obedience in the tasks to come, for she had found a way to make use of this former deities power and cunning while she could, she would become the ruler of the underdark, she would bring down her wrath on the ones who had caused her exile from her home, and he would be the one to help her achieve this goal.
Chapter 2
it doesn't exist yet
(slight edit, copy/pasted out of word and it didn't come out good AT ALL, tried to fix the paragraph breaks a bit)
Mod Edit: Shifted to a more appropriate shelf.
(changed Abils name to Angelos)
(changed Angelos to Melon)
(changed Melon to Revain) ((thanks to icelander for a lil help)) |
| 16 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Sandro |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 07:50:54
Using Tolkien's Sindarin or Quenya will never lead you astray. Hell, I've used them in all sorts of different worlds and settings (always fantasy, though...) and they've never not worked. |
| bishopssix |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 07:50:38
Alright, that'll work then, thank you kind sir |
| Icelander |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 07:49:23
quote:
Originally posted by bishopssix
Yeah, I just don't know any non-drow elvish off-hand
Friendship is 'revain'. |
| bishopssix |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 07:43:43
Yeah, I just don't know any non-drow elvish off-hand |
| Icelander |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 07:42:41
quote:
Originally posted by bishopssix
quote:
Originally posted by Icelander
quote:
Originally posted by bishopssix
Ok, I think Melon should work
Failing that, you could go with Apple or Strawberry.
Melon as in elvish for friend
You refer to Sindarin, Tolkien's invented language, of course.
That's 'mellon', actually. And you do know that Elvish in the Forgotten Realms is not the same as in Tolkien's Middle Earth? |
| bishopssix |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 07:37:07
quote:
Originally posted by Icelander
quote:
Originally posted by bishopssix
Ok, I think Melon should work
Failing that, you could go with Apple or Strawberry.
Melon as in elvish for friend |
| Icelander |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 07:34:28
quote:
Originally posted by bishopssix
Ok, I think Melon should work
Failing that, you could go with Apple or Strawberry. |
| bishopssix |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 07:27:05
Ok, I think Melon should work |
| The Sage |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 06:04:39
Indeed. And if all else fails, you can always use the "Everchanging Book of Names," found here:- http://ebon.pyorre.net/
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| Wooly Rupert |
Posted - 07 Oct 2009 : 05:45:55
quote:
Originally posted by bishopssix
I wanted something that could be identified easily with a good being but I'm beyond the thought of a different name now =, sorry
Come up with a name that works for you. Don't try to cater to the audience by making something too overt.  |
| bishopssix |
Posted - 06 Oct 2009 : 23:58:38
I wanted something that could be identified easily with a good being but I'm beyond the thought of a different name now =, sorry |
| Sian |
Posted - 06 Oct 2009 : 23:56:24
Angelus is Greek for Messenger, and is hailed as the ancestor of the word "Angel" ... so while yeah, it aren't itself biblical, it have the large majority of its indification tag stored there |
| bishopssix |
Posted - 06 Oct 2009 : 12:55:44
I don't remember anyone named angelos in the bible, but i'm not very heavy on it either |
| Sian |
Posted - 06 Oct 2009 : 10:02:59
Angelos still strikes me as a biblical name ... |
| The Sage |
Posted - 06 Oct 2009 : 06:13:09
And I've shifted this tale to the Adventuring shelf where, traditionally, such works are collected.
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| Wooly Rupert |
Posted - 06 Oct 2009 : 06:10:42
I didn't read thru it in detail; I'll do that later. I will say, however, that I strongly recommended renaming Kain and Abil. Those names are too close to Biblical names for my liking; it throws me out of the tale to see something like that. |
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