| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| sleyvas |
Posted - 19 Dec 2013 : 20:08:52
Do you believe in the Power of Banjo the Clown? |
| 22 L A T E S T R E P L I E S (Newest First) |
| Ayrik |
Posted - 29 Dec 2013 : 22:19:57
Aye, the arsenal of the Banjo cults is mighty indeed!
I myself have been unfortunately subject to one of their Infernal Whoopie Cushions. These accursed items are fashioned on Baator from the skins and bladders of particularly annoying imps, once activated they magically reappear each and every time their owner attempts to rest, become seated, or recline ... positioning themselves on chairs, tabletops, saddles, within bedding, upon the ground, anywhere. I suspect their unholy purpose is to humiliate and frustrate mortals into bargaining their souls in exchange for some modicum of peace and refrain. Diabolical and sinister to the extreme, I was truly lucky in being able to enlist a dour-faced scowling old priest-magistrate of Tyr to dispel this curse, enduring his endlessly stern lectures and sweeping his legal archives for a tenday was a small price to pay in exchange. Not all who escape the clutches of Banjo are as fortunate, many once-insane husks still wander the alleys and backways in despair. |
| The Arcanamach |
Posted - 28 Dec 2013 : 10:36:28
It is written that St. Chaplin and his cohort Lord Groucho o' the Marx beget many stooges during rituals aided by evil imps of mixed demon and fey ancestry, commonly known as Little Rascals today. Their dark works lead to the creation of many diabolical entities and items of power including: rubber chickens, cursed flintlocks that just say "BANG" when an unsuspecting wielder attempts to use one, seltzer water, glasses that channel the power of Lord Groucho and alter the wearers face to look suspiciously like him, non-X-ray glasses and more.
Today, sages speculate that many of Banjo's dalliances have lead to the birth of the Dark Three...Britney Spears, Lady GaGa, and Miley Cyrus! |
| Ayrik |
Posted - 27 Dec 2013 : 23:48:24
Ojnab has little real power, today he is only recognized as part of a tripartite Banjo deity worshipped by a schismatic cult referring to themselves as "Stooges". Stooges may appear similar to orthodox Banjoists but can be readily distinguished by their lack of colour and the notable absence of signature Banjoist travelling pavilion-tent shrines. Stooges also often communicate through a strangely humourous and unpredictable cipher involving small rubber trumpets - but beware! Accomplished Stooges are proficient in wielding two of these trumpets simultaneously, one in each hand. And the mightiest of Stooges have been known to sometimes wield fearsome two-handed battle trumpets to devastating effect. Even the lowliest of Stooges can conceal a surprisingly number of such trumpets about his person and thus is always armed.
Of course my information comes from a biased source, holy descriptions of an ancient Banjoist prophet named "Chaplin". Although said to be a mute, his somatic casting methods provided formative foundations in modern Banjoist doctrine. |
| sleyvas |
Posted - 26 Dec 2013 : 21:17:02
It is rumored that the sitings of Banjoculytes have actually been sitings of worshippers of Banjo's evil twin god, Ojnab. The rumors further state that Banjo has been slain and Ojnab is secretly using his name as an alias to increase worship. |
| The Arcanamach |
Posted - 26 Dec 2013 : 03:35:16
There's rumor that Banjoists have discovered the secret to extradimensional pocket magics. Witnesses claim that the number of Banjoists exiting a brightly colored polka-dotted carriage was simply unnatural and couldn't have been done without powerful spells. Many are now fearful that the Banjoists will use such carriages as a means of secretly transporting mass armies for their nefarious Clown Conventions! 
It has even been rumored that an off-world deity, one Zagyg of Oerth, will be in attendance. Their power grows! All hail the Mighty Banjo! |
| Ayrik |
Posted - 24 Dec 2013 : 20:12:09
You have to understand their secret Python Cant to learn such sordid details.
You also have to endure sitiing in a miniature wagon with no fewer than nine dedicated Banjoists bedecked in full ceremonial clown regalia. The endless racket and brimstone fumes emitted from their Infernal Whoopie Cushions can be quite trying, but no less than their shamelessly awful jokes about Elminster‘s momma. All Banjoculytes are well trained in the disturbing thiefish skill of “put-pocketing“ ... and I dare not speak openly of the horrible squeaky polymorphing things they do with their Chaos-infused balloons, I‘ve said too much already.
I‘ve never seen illithids run away in fear before, though. I should have followed them. |
| Drustan Dwnhaedan |
Posted - 24 Dec 2013 : 20:11:05
quote:
Originally posted by Sill Alias
The chant in the Cage is that Banjo The Clown is lover of Lady of Pain. Other whisper about him/her/it being a bastard child of the same lady after some drunk night with unknown power.
 Wait, what? The Lady of Pain can get drunk? (Heh. Interesting. I'm going to have to research this a bit more ... Er, for perfectly innocent, totally not-suspicious reasons, of course.) |
| Drustan Dwnhaedan |
Posted - 24 Dec 2013 : 20:00:00
I... I had no idea Banjoists could be so harsh. (No one deserves to suffer such a horrible fate as being dressed up as a mime! Except maybe politicians, provided a gag of some kind is also used.) |
| Ayrik |
Posted - 24 Dec 2013 : 19:43:14
Priests of the Cult of Banjo must be fearsome opponents. Armed with their Blessed Hand Buzzers and Holy-water Squirting Carnations. Able to summon a Minor Clown to do their bidding.
And let‘s not speak of their horrible manner of public execution for heretics: dressing them up as mimes and sealing them within soundproofed airtight glass boxes. |
| Ayrik |
Posted - 24 Dec 2013 : 19:33:49
Holy Pies of Smiting? These are wielded by clown-nosed Paladins of the Comedic Order?
I‘d hate to encounter an anticomedic antipaladin wielding an unholy pie. |
| The Arcanamach |
Posted - 24 Dec 2013 : 03:23:28
I'm proud to announce that Banjoists have created their first holy artifact! Here it is in all it's glory! All hail Banjo!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3SxEOvAOEg
 |
| Demzer |
Posted - 22 Dec 2013 : 19:57:03
Uhm, this 'Keep seems full of heretics and skeptics.
Don't worry, faithful of Banjo! Our Holy Pies of Smiting will cleans these halls soon! |
| Markustay |
Posted - 22 Dec 2013 : 18:49:17
The high priests of his religion are know as 'Onmynee".
So if someone tells you they are coming to you with "A Banjo Onmynee", you better beware. Dark rituals are afoot!
There will be much tears...... |
| Sill Alias |
Posted - 22 Dec 2013 : 12:05:36
The chant in the Cage is that Banjo The Clown is lover of Lady of Pain. Other whisper about him/her/it being a bastard child of the same lady after some drunk night with unknown power. |
| Drustan Dwnhaedan |
Posted - 21 Dec 2013 : 18:47:40
quote:
Originally posted by Therise
I'm waiting until Banjo gains the divine sphere of "Espresso" 
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0081.html
  |
| Therise |
Posted - 21 Dec 2013 : 17:49:56
I'm waiting until Banjo gains the divine sphere of "Espresso"
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0081.html |
| Drustan Dwnhaedan |
Posted - 21 Dec 2013 : 17:40:20
I think Banjo is simply the name by which my world's god of absurdity (and gnomes, in the human 'creation mythos' for my world), Foop Voroks, is known in Realmspace. Actually, he could be any one of a number of gods associated with the 'Absurd' domain of my world; Kuva, (God of Humor, Trickery, and Wisdom), Bunthulu ( in addition to being an eldritch abomination, Bunthulu is God of 'Ex' Monsters* and Little Fuzzy Animals With Big, Sharp Teeth), Clip Rappis (God of Obnoxiousness, and first cousin of Foop Voroks), Professor Gert Van Der Whoops (a demigod who is the patron of gnomish alchemists and inventors), Rupus Woolybully** (gnomish God of Giant Space Hamsters, and any animals that gnomes find 'interesting'), and any god who is somehow associated with politics (naturally, these deities are the ones who have caused 80-90% of my world's problems).
*Ex is a template I created for my game, which can be applied to any animal, beast, magical beast, or vermin, and transforms the base creature into an aberration (for example, a parrot who gained this template would then be known as an 'ex-parrot') .
**Deity's name changed to protect myself from criticism (Er, Wooly's not the sort of Giant Space Hamster who would let a little thing like godhood go to his head, right?) |
| Markustay |
Posted - 21 Dec 2013 : 14:05:56
I believe Banjo is actually THE Cthonic Elder Evil, served by exarchs like Cthulhu and Pennywise.
So of course I worship him, desiring to bring an end to the universe itself as I do. |
| Thauranil |
Posted - 21 Dec 2013 : 13:45:04
Banjo would be my favorite deity but alas I don't like puppets thanks to a Muppet related childhood trauma. |
| Sill Alias |
Posted - 21 Dec 2013 : 13:06:42
Banjo The Clown is none of the above! He is mortal ascended to godhood after hillarious party wagoning by his truly where by coincidence Milil, Oghma, Sharess and the rest of fun loving deities' avatars happened to visit. With consensus, they shared their divine essence, making him half-god. He is also suspected to be the one behind some fun spells, not these imposters Tasha and Otto. |
| The Arcanamach |
Posted - 20 Dec 2013 : 10:08:50
I voted number 6 but Demzer is wrong in his assertion that Banjo is Ao's superior. Banjo is, in fact, Ao's alter ego. Ao suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder which was brought on by the headaches caused by the gods he created through his intermediaries on the plane of TSR. After TSR was destroyed, Banjo secretly became the diabolically evil Banjulhu and wrought havoc on the world they were ordered to protect. Ao tries hard to ward off Banjulhu but is having a difficult time of it...it remains to be seen if Ao or Banjulhu will prevail. |
| Demzer |
Posted - 19 Dec 2013 : 21:59:59
I voted number 6 and i strongly believe that Banjo is the being of light that's Ao's superior and thus anything good or bad that happened to the Realms, including the ToT and the Spellplague and Elminster and Mystr-- MCCLXVII, happened because His Omnipotence Banjo the (Holy) Clown is a prankster and wanted to mess with us.
But we are not worthy Banjo! We are not worthy ... |
